Marriage

Marriage help

Turn About Isn’t Fair Play

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I know this goes without saying, but we live in a victim-minded culture! So sometimes it is hard to see things as they are.

One thing that stands out to me over and over in the many situations I see playing out in the news, in my clients lives and in my own family is that of what I’d call the victim turned perpetrator cycle.

Next time you are angry or frustrated and feel to give someone a piece of your mind, maybe with a loud voice, consider why you feel it is ok to treat someone like that.

Or when you witness anger or rudeness in social settings or in a movie or in politics, consider why the justification for bad behavior?

Take the women’s liberation movement. Though much good has come from having women’s voices heard and opportunities more readily available, at the extreme, why would women feel justified in speaking of men as if they are un-needed and collectively inferior and disappointing? This is certainly an attitude that has caught on in our culture, most especially visible in TV programming where dad’s are often portrayed as lacking, bumbling characters.

Of course it all boils down to feeling victimized. It’s the belief that turn about is fair play; a you hurt me, I’ll hurt you attitude.

One more reason to examine any beliefs that we have about being victims in our relationships, including our relationship with ourselves. How you speak to yourself is a great indicator of where you are on the victimized- feeling scale. When we put ourselves down and berate ourselves, we are treating ourselves as victims and adding to the faulty belief that we don’t have control over our own lives.

The goal is to treat ourselves kindly. To treat others as we want to be treated (not in response to how we perceive we’ve been treated).

There’s a pretty short distance from victim to perpetrator. Let’s work to heal from a victim mentality and claim our own power to learn and chart our own course–while NOT feeling justified in behaving abusively toward others or ourselves.

God bless you!

Jacque

P.S. Next time you want to react or lash out, think back in this situation to where you first started feeling “less than,” flip that thought around to a positive truth and then decide your response to the situation.

P.P.S. Already know what triggers you? (I do!) Create a declaration around that specific belief or situation and work to shift your belief about yourself before the trigger strikes– then employ your declaration in the middle of the trigger too if/when it may strike! (That other person is just helping you to see what you already believe!)

 

My Prayer

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Dear Father in Heaven;

I thank Thee for the opportunity to be acquainted with wonderful women, Lionesses who are an inspiration to me!

I thank Thee for their goodness and their grit. For their exuberance and excellence.

I am so grateful that they are here at this time, making a difference for good!

Please Lord, help me to speak the truth in love; to encourage and to bless them in every word I speak.

Please bless us all to have Thy inspiration as we set our goals and create our vision for the coming year.

May Thy light shine through us to lift and bless every soul we meet. May we be Women who rejoice and are glad! Who look for the good and who speak kindly of and to ourselves and others. Who recognize our errors, and are quick to forgive, quick to apologize and to seek forgiveness.

May we honor the Men in our lives each day and give our appreciation freely for the gift they are to us and the vital role they fulfill for our children.

May we leave Victim-hood behind us forever and become stronger Agents each day.

Please help us to know Thy will and remind us often that we can do all things through Thee.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Building Home

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“The family is the building block of society. It is a nursery, a school, a hospital, a leisure place, a place of refuge and a place of rest. It encompasses the whole of society. It fashions our beliefs.

It is the preparation for the rest of our life.”  Margaret Thatcher

Creating a safe place; a place for learning and fun; a nourishing refuge; a place where we feel heard and loved; this is creating home and it’s the greatest work we can do while we are here. This kind of “construction” requires self-understanding, self-acceptance and feeling great love, which for most of us means, there’s work to do within before we will be successful in reaching out!

One of the most beautiful things about families though is that this can all happen simultaneously. We don’t have to be perfect first! We work toward our highest good together. Together is where the magic lives! Together is where we learn to see ourselves as we really are. Together is where we give and receive forgiveness. Together is where love spurs us on to fight our internal battles and win. Together is the key to profound growth and opportunity.

God bless every effort you are making to be healed (whole) and to give, in your growing wholeness, a day at a time, to those who matter most.

Be well.

Jacque

 

Japanese Proverb

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“Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one.”

When we consider our “why” for doing the challenging work of introspection, self-discipline and self-caring, isn’t it mostly our love for those who depend on us, whose lives are impacted most by our efforts to be the best version of ourselves we can be?

I think that’s what love is for. To give us the motivation, the grit and the will to evolve and grow!

When we can’t muster up the courage for ourselves, we can more assuredly do it for them!

Happy, happy 2018!

With much love,

Jacque

P.S. If these posts have been helpful to you this year, please consider sharing Lioness with a friend! I would love to double our subscribers and create a larger outreach of support and encouragement to families everywhere! Thank you for being here!

Your Story

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Hello my friend, how has your day been?

I hope you are speaking kindly to yourself and to others, and apologizing and giving forgiveness when necessary! {Yes, that is daily!}

In thinking about Christmas and the fact that the calendar is about to flip to a new year, I wanted to offer a valuable tool I learned about when my son was in the special education program. It’s called Social Stories. I used it to write stories about his life that would teach him new ways of doing things and about thinking new thoughts about himself. I remember one day I had written a simple story on several pieces of paper, drew simple stick figures for pictures and stapled them together.

As we sat on the living room couch reading the new story, our oldest son walked by on his way downstairs. The child who was reading with me called out to him and said, after reading a page with these words, “I am bright!”

Because it was in writing it was the gospel truth to that young mind and it was a stunning moment for me that still stirs me to tears.

What new stories need to be told at your house? Stories about children sharing with each other and getting along? Stories about everyone helping out and then being appreciated for their helpfulness?

What about stories of how to respond to friends in a difficult situation, or stories about when to talk to an adult about something that is troubling? When these stories are personalized, they are internalized.

You can use simple illustrations or you could put real pictures of your family in them. I took some pictures recently of my grandkids doing specific things so that I can use them to illustrate the kindness they have shown that I have observed and want to encourage in social stories.

To take this a little bit further, what about a story about your marriage or about making tender Christmas memories this year or lowering your stress level or incorporating new self-care plans like exercise or eating well? Adding pictures to these stories is like creating declarations on steroids! And the sky is the limit! Instead of just saying, “I care for myself,” you can add a picture of you making a smoothie or walking on the treadmill {the type-o I just corrected is too funny not to share– the “treat” mill! No, no, tread is better!} or lying in bed resting at the hour you desire to go to sleep.

What true creativity!  Actually creating the outcomes you desire by letting your mind see and catch hold of what you really want! What do you think, could some social stories end up in your family’s stockings this year?

You are magnificent. You are right where you need to be doing the challenging and exhilarating work of family creation and development. There isn’t a time in our lives, whether we are 20 or 85, when we stop developing these relationships. But certainly, one day at a time is all any of us can do, and second chances are available again and again. So don’t you quit! Keep going! If there are things that need to be made right, start now. If you need help, ask for it. Pray for what your heart truly desires and then hold to your faith and do your part to make miracles happen!

Love, love, love,

Jacque