Marriage

Marriage help

Very Well!

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Just a note to say, “Good work today!”

As you look back on this day, you may wonder if you did enough, or if you handled things well-

You may consider your efforts to keep peace and create order as lacking or you may be tempted to compare yourself to someone you know who seems to have everything together, and you may feel that you come up short when looking through that lens-faulty though it be.

You may wonder if you’ll last beyond sleeplessness, or if you will be able to make it through a challenging stage or growing pains that your child or your work or your marriage may be going through.

But just so you know, you’re not alone!

Many women before you have experienced and wondered the same things, and many women before you have made it beyond the very stage of life you’re in and not only lived to tell, but look back on it with wistful fondness. What an amazing time of personal growth!

I hope you’ll remember to take it just one day at a time. One story at a time. One meal at a time. One nap at a time. One prayer, one laundry day, one walk at a time.

I appreciate your dedication, investing your heart and soul and time and energy into raising well-connected and well-loved children. You amaze me!

I hope you can get some good rest; think about your successes; ask for and feel Heaven’s help and enjoy the time you have with your little ones as much as you possibly can.

You’re doing wonderfully well. Far better than you may know.

Rest well,
Jacque

 

Photo by The HK Photo Company on Unsplash

 

 

Feminine and Fine

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I am hearing some business and thought leaders saying that femininity is needed in our world. Hurrah!

Yes, yes I completely agree! And I’m encouraged by the growing realization that when women shift into a driven, competitive, aggressive masculine energy, it brings more imbalance to our world instead of the feminine counter balance and blessed relief that is needed! {Does it go without saying that the world at large is heavy on hardcore and light on lullabies?}

As feminine women, we can accomplish many desperately important things.

We can create things. (In fact, isn’t that the biggest accomplishment our biology affords us?)

But many of our balancing contributions come simply as we accomplish what needs to be done in a feminine way.

Why? Because the world needs tenderness; we can be tender.

The world needs strength and wisdom; we can be strong and wise.

The world needs leadership; we can lead out with gentle optimism.

The world needs to feel loved and validated; we can love and validate!

The world needs voices of reason, organization, administration, discernment, courage and kindness. Let us be those voices; women’s voices.

I hope we can tap into and embrace our most feminine selves, and the men in our lives, our counterparts, and together find joy and peace and balance in the coming year!

Embracing the soft, gentle, compassionate, assertive, inviting traits that are ours to embody… and allowing our men to develop their protective, providing masculinity.

Best wishes to you sister!

Love,
Jacque

P. S. In large part, we will accomplish our feminine missions by embracing self-nourishing self-care. 

I hope you’ve recovered from the holidays and have started making plans for new and improved self-caring habits in the new year. {One of those for me is getting my ducks lined-up for Christmas sooner next time around!}

P. P. S. Remember, our feminine energy draws others to us, versus chasing them down. Food for thought isn’t it?

Another word for the ability to draw others to us is attractiveness. And generally speaking, the most attractive thing I can think of is a smiling face. Hopefully our children and spouses will see our smiling faces today and tomorrow and next week! And maybe, because of our joy, our daughters might feel to embrace their femininity in happy ways too!

“Oh, I Can Feel It!”

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{That is a Kronk quote in case you haven’t seen the Emperor’s New Groove lately.}

Only I’m talking about feeling the power of validation!

Don’t be a “baaaaad llama”; to validate, have your ears open and mouth shut!
{I couldn’t resist this picture!}

When your child has a problem and they come to you in anger or frustration and blurt out who is being mean or what happened on the way home from school or what their teacher said, using validating phrases and questions can help them sort through their problem and arrive at their own resolution. 

They need to know you’re listening, so give them your full attention.

Then they will know that you care.

The powerful part is that, when you are in a groove of validating others, you feel the heady lightness of knowing you aren’t carrying everyone else’s problems! Not only do we not need to assume other people’s problems, but we mustn’t override when problem solving is within their reach because it serves as a catalyst to their own growth and maturation.

Lend a listening ear without feeling the need to fix the problems you may hear.

Validate your own growth and practice solving what problems that are yours to solve.

Practice, practice, practice. 

That’s what we’re all doing!

Love to you,
Jacque

P.S. For more inspiration on this topic on the Lioness blog, search posts with the word validation! Hope it helps!

The Basics

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I heard an insightful talk recently about strengthening families. The speaker referred to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, {remember, the pyramid that begins at the bottom with basic needs being met, then rising to the top with the ability to self-actualize, or fully develop one’s talents and gifts?}

and suggested that we may think that in the midst of our abundant lifestyle, that our basic needs are met, meaning we have food, water, warmth and rest, safety and security.

We also might assume we have the next layer of psychological needs which are the need to belong, to be loved, have friends and a sense of accomplishment.

We also might think that since all our basic needs are met, we believe our families will eventually self-actualize, or grow to their full potential!

The question was asked, how are your family’s basic needs being met? You have shelter, but is it safe and secure with order and boundaries? Is there good food to eat at regular meals? 

Have we put in the work to help our family members feel that they have a place to belong? To have friends and family connections, and do they feel loved and heard?

I thought that highlighting these questions was profound.

And then I heard the perfect anecdote for the ways we, as a society, may be falling short in providing these basic needs for our families. It was a jewelry commercial of all things, but the tagline was: Dare to be devoted.

I don’t think that our kids can expect to truly reach their potential without the dedication and devotion of parents. 

What might devotion in this sense mean?

Maybe being very clear about limiting the distractions we allow into our lives and making courageous decisions about how we spend our time and resources. {Our children are here and then they are gone!}

Maybe setting goals to cover the basics well, and more consistently. Regular meals; nap-times; bed-times; homework times; clean clothes to wear; clean beds and a general sense of peace in our homes.

Maybe to put in the time and effort to heal relationships; minimize stressful situations so that kids can be free to play and learn and grow.

Maybe upping our self-care so that we can be the best version of us possible in this time. Rest. Eat well. Breathe. Relax. Enjoy. Learn. Laugh.

We are blessed with so many options! I believe it is more important than ever for us to chose well. We can dare to be devoted!

I hope you will have a wonderful week ahead!

Much love to you,
Jacque

That’s It!

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If you’re a parent you’ll know what I mean when I say that some of the pep talks I’ve given my kids get given back to me when I need them!

No doubt this will be one. And that’s good! It means they’re listening in and… heaven knows, I do need reminders!

To start, a few questions:

How do you feel when you get your kitchen drawers cleaned and orderly?

When the pile that’s been driving you to distraction is sorted and decided upon and gone?

Or, how do you feel when you realize, that instead of beating yourself up for a perceived failure that might have depressed you for a week a few years ago, you have automatically given yourself kudos for trying and committed to keep trying? Wow!

It feels great!

It’s liberating!

It’s the feeling of winning and accomplishing and conquering!

If you aren’t feeling that way pretty regularly, what is a problem or job you could pull apart, decide upon, attack and finish today?  (Even if it’s ‘just’ putting the folded laundry away, do it! It’ll give you the feeling of finishing and lead to other finishing tomorrow!)

Being fierce in the face of our daily problems turns that sluggish, overwhelmed, tired feeling into an air-punching, celebration kind of feeling!

And, I submit that when we attack problems that are ours, we are less likely to attack people. We also lose the compelling notion to control other people when we are taking care of our own stuff. Attack problems, not people. 

I’m rootin’ for you today! You are doing great things (even if they feel small) with great love. That’s the ticket!
Jacque

P.S. “The older sets are the easiest to fix: simpler circuitry, uniform tubes. Maybe it’s wax dripping from the condenser or charcoal built up on a resistor. Even in the newest sets, Werner can usually puzzle out a solution. He dismantles the machine, stares into its circuits, lets his fingers trace the journeys of electrons. Power source, triode, resistor, coil. Loudspeaker. His mind shapes itself around the problem, disorder becomes order, the obstacle reveals itself, and before long the radio is fixed.” All The Light We Cannot See, Anthony Doerr