Marriage

Marriage help

In The Gap

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You know that moment when you really want to do something that you know isn’t good for you, and you feel yourself slipping into that semi-conscious state of not caring and then of not being fully awake in the moment you begin to indulge?

Like when sugar is calling… (Sorry, I realize that this may be a sensitive day for this post!)

But you know it could be one of a hundred things calling.  It could be indulging in despair or self-criticism or chocolate or sadness or *false guilt or narcotics or whatever vice rings especially “helpful” in the moment.

What is a girl to do?  Depending on your chemistry and your thinking habits, spending time in any one of these “pseudo coping options” could mean a loss of precious time and potentially loss of precious health or a loss of trust and intimacy in a relationship.

May I recommend making a list of diversions for such moments?  And when you feel the sliding begin, you know, just an inkling that the quick sand is close by, you can refer to your list and launch yourself out of harms way!  Fast!

It seems that often times, the need to be filled is simply dealing with some kind of boredom.  So giving yourself some productive task or permission to take a break, like a chance to take a walk and breathe fresh air or some other activity you enjoy, really fills in the gap nicely and can make a big difference at the end of the day.

Say the Easter candy is calling to you, (hopefully you didn’t buy a month’s supply and if so, hopefully you really won’t keep it in the house that long) but you realize that what you really need is a big drink of water and a diversion!  You need to put your headphones on and listen to your favorite movie soundtrack while you make dinner.

Or maybe, what you really need to do is tackle some small job that has been hanging over your head and causing you to feel undone in some way.  And just by tackling that you have the liberating feeling you need so that you can move on to something you really want to do!

What about getting that book you’ve been excited to read and giving yourself half an hour to read a bit?  Or what about giving your body a nutrient dense snack that helps you feel satiated and well-fed? (I’ve seen some pretty darn good recipes for peanut butter cups that you freeze! There is a recipe on this site for a whole food version that is very nutritious, but there are some out there with fewer ingredients and therefore easier to whip up!)

Which brings me to the last point which is: have healthy alternatives prepared for yourself and for your family!  Hey, if you have a choice between junk and food and they both are tasty, you can go for the good stuff and not have to chastise yourself later! And oh the joy of self-mastery!

By implementing some of these ideas, you will be creating an environment that supports your best interests, and that supportive environment can be a massively, powerful influence.

I pray for your health and well-being!

Love,

Jacque

P. S. What is *false guilt?  It is feeling guilty for not being perfect.  Not even close to Godly sorrow when you have really done something wrong, but just a time-wasting, miserable funk to jump into that is neither productive nor real.

P. P. S. If you have some luck with creating diversions, please share!

P. P. P. S My favorite diversion lately is a video I took of Garth dancing with and singing to one of our little granddaughters.  I find that I can’t help but smile at that!

P. P. P. P. S “He must reign until he hath put all enemies under His feet.”  He can enable our success.  Ask for His help! Happy Easter!

You’re Not Alone

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It seems to me that one of the most, if not the most, discouraging “fiery dart” is the thought and then consequent feeling that you are experiencing life alone.  That you are isolated for one of a million reasons and that leaves you wondering if anyone has ever felt as disconnected as you feel at times.

Sometimes it’s the sense that everyone else knows what is happening in a conversation or in the world for that matter, but you.  Sometimes it’s the weird zone of going to a gathering and feeling ignored.  Oh, feeling invisible is horrible.  On the other hand, being the center of attention for something you don’t want to get any attention for isn’t fun either.

Do you ever wonder how other people’s children seem to be so obedient and helpful and why you have to ask multiple times before you get your children’s attention and help?

Or does it seem that your friend’s spouses are helpful and supportive and you wonder if your spouse knows how much you need them and are missing their attention and support?

Whatever the reason you may have felt “out of it” or less than or somehow inferior to others you know, I want to reassure you that you are not alone.

We are ALL striving and wondering and at times feeling sad and at times rejoicing.  We are all riding through the ebb and flow of life, sometimes feeling tossed in the air with no handhold, and sometimes in the middle of white, rapid water and occasionally we are riding on a the smooth, glossy green surface of a serene pool, with the sun on our faces and feeling relief for a season.

I am you and you are me.  We are so much alike, frail and fragile while also strong and extremely resilient!

Please know you’re not alone.  We’re all just doing the best we can with the  knowledge we have now.  And no one is better or lives an enchanted life.  Just different challenges at different times that have different names.

Know I’m sending out my love to you today.  I love knowing that I am not the only one living here.  You are with me and I am with you.

Sincerely,

Jacque

“I like myself, I love myself and I forgive myself.  I am never alone.  I am loved and valued.  I am not better or worse than anyone else.  My needs are important.  I am worthy of having them met. I am not in competition with any of my sisters.  We are all human and doing our best.  I cannot see all of the challenges of others, just as they cannot see mine.  My heart goes out to all of God’s children.”

 

7 Steps Seminar Coming!

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To those of you who have attended the Lioness at the Door 7 Steps to Family Wellness, seven-month seminar, may I ask a favor of you?

Would you think for a bit about the most important take away you had from your experience in seminar and share it in a comment here?

God willing, we will start the 2017 series this month and I’d love for those who are thinking about registering, to hear your favorite or most life-changing lessons.

Our 2016 groups were stellar and I love all of you!

Here is a sneak peek at what you will find in the 7 Steps Workbook:

“Now, if you’re a champion at hearing negatives, believing negatives, and feeling crippled and then paralyzed by negatives, you will have to understand that this process of learning to take control of your mind, or rather to redirect it over and over until the negative default habit is curbed,will actually make chemical changes in your body and you may encounter resistance to this new way of thinking.  Not to mention that since you have believed these untruths for so long, the truth may sound downright fake and utterly wrong!  That is, of course, more nonsense!  We are God’s children, full of promise and infinite value possessing the power to choose and to learn from our experiences.  It follows then that to progress, to move forward, we have to become our own best advocate, hear the blatant lies we have believed, and proverbially kick them to the curb!  We are Lionesses!  We are family leaders!  This is the battle to fight; the interior battle for peace within. Then we can begin to tackle other problems in our personal and family terrain.”

No more being victimized by negative thoughts. No more!”

That is a good reminder for me today. I hope it is good food for thought for you too.

If you know of someone who would thrive in seminar, please spread the word! I look forward to another growing year with another great group!

Jacque

Multiply and Replenish

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If you were giving life-affirming counsel to your children who were about to launch out on their own, in five words or less, what exactly would you want to tell them?

How would you let them know of your confidence in their ability to grow and learn?  How would you state your thoughts so clearly that they would have no need to question your expectation that they would follow in your footsteps and continue to evolve in their sphere?

I really can’t imagine anything better than the two words, multiply and replenish.

But what exactly do we multiply? And once we know that, how do we replenish “it”?

From a parent’s perspective, one of the most important things I would want to encourage my children to multiply is them! More of them in this world would be a great thing to me!  More of their goodness, and humor, more of their integrity and love.  More of their unique way of seeing and doing things, and more of their desires to lift and to bless.  Of course, I’d want more of their laughter and more of their enjoyment in the world around them and more joy in the fruit of their labors and talents they are cultivating.

Here is yet another way that being a parent is incredibly instructive. If as children of God we sometimes perceive our Father’s counsel and commands to us as something to fear or to be burdened by, using the lens of our own parenthood, much of our misperceptions can be corrected quickly.

If you wonder what the most creative being in the universe desires for you, why not take a moment and write out your desires for your children?

What would you counsel them to embrace?

What would you counsel them to avoid?

How would you encourage them to maintain their ability to chose?

What would you love to see them love about themselves?

What do you hope they will enjoy, embrace and experience while they are here?

in other words, how do you want to see them “multiply” everything they have been given?

And once you have a sense of what can be multiplied, what about the replenishing part? Is it good then, to restore ourselves after exertion?  Is it acceptable to fill ourselves back up with hope after we have experienced some kind of fear?

Again, what would you counsel your own children to do?

Most of all, it seems to me that these two expansive and resplendent words illustrate our never-ending potential; that potential that we have to use faith to wrap our heads around while we have our mortal, limited vision.

What are your thoughts?

Today I hope you will consider your potential. I hope you will allow yourself to expand and “burst the fetters of your mind.”

Love,

Jacque

 

Where Are You?

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I was watching a documentary on owls…yeah, I was a captive audience, not generally my speed.  But I observed something that I think is worth noting as it applies to us as parents:

For some reason, (that I didn’t catch) two baby owls were being raised by two people.  Two very dedicated and capable people.  And with all of their skills and knowledge and passion, the most impressive ability they possessed, in my humble opinion, was their ability to be fully present with their fluffy little wards.

It was stunningly beautiful to watch.

Every time the birds did the tiniest thing that showed they were making some kind of progress, or that they were even just simply enjoying themselves, the two care-givers responded with great delight!  And I noticed that the only way it was possible for them to be so fully engaged and observant, was the fact that they were fully present.

It occurred to me that those little partly feathered, kind of uglyish stage birds, were receiving quite a bit MORE undivided attention than possibly the majority of children in our country are given.

And why?  If I think of myself as the parent of young children, I’d have to say that sheer busyness or even mental working (as in the time I spent trying to figure out a challenge), but you know that was a long old time ago!  What in the world would have happened if I could have had the ability to search the Internet?  Not to mention having social media at my finger tips???

Now a balancing thought: Am I suggesting that parents need to be totally present with their children every minute of every day?  No way!  That would also be a recipe for disaster.  So, please don’t let your mental pendulum swing to that extreme.  I’m simply talking about moving the pendulum closer to the middle, as I have observed, in myself and others, that has swung to an unhealthy extreme.

You lovely young mothers have a massive, literally mind blowing potential challenge to your ability to be present at home.  It is hard to even quantify it in my mind.

Hence, it seems to me that this is one of the facets of your life that is screaming for you to be fiercely decisive.  If you will be in charge of what you allow to grasp your attention, you will change generations. Generations.

If anyone can do it, you can.  I have no doubt.

I’d love to hear your plans.  Go ahead and keep being your inspiring self.

All my respect and love,

Jacque

P. S. The parting narration in the owl documentary was the guardians, smiling and saying how happy, confident and smart their owls turned out to be.

P.P.S. There’s a really big potential problem that may be shooting your deliberate attention-giving in the foot.

If so, do you know what that is for you?  May I share that if you are feeling invalidated yourself, that it’s pretty difficult to give it to others.  If you can recognize this issue in yourself, you are in a powerful place, good for you! You can now, alone or with some assistance, make a plan to shift your situation.  Yes, you can shift it.  And yes, sincere, profound prayer and general self-care is a large part of that shift, but in intense cases, please consider asking for professional help.

How do you know if yours might be an intense case? Pay attention to “where you are” during a notmal day.  Make notes.  Also makes notes about how you feel as well.

This issue does not mean that you are a bad mother.  Listen to that again; having this challenge does not mean that you are a subpar parent.  But as a Lioness, it does mean that you have some work to do.  And I’m here to say, YOU CAN.  This is your life, there is only one you and you were born to succeed.

xo