Marriage

Marriage help

Pushing a Noodle

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If you have little people, I think you’ll understand what I mean when I say that you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink! {When it’s nap time, you can lead a little one to their bed but you cannot make her sleep can you?}

In thinking about this today, a funny picture jumped into my mind of someone trying to push a freshly cooked noodle! It really illustrates the level of frustration one may feel when going behind someone and trying to get them to do what you want them to do. There’s no body to it, nothing to push, particularly if this person is a toddler!

How then do you go from “pushing a noodle” to walking ahead while dangling the proverbial carrot in their sight? How do you lead out and encourage others to follow?

Here are a few ideas I hope you’ll find helpful. I believe they could be employed by anyone trying to lead anyone!

1. Create a clear goal. Not for you, but for them! Yes, you want to get everyone down for a nap so that you can think for a minute or rest or get lunch dishes done. But what do they get out of it? Yes, they’ll get rested and feel better for the duration of the day if they take a nap, but they don’t know that nor are they able to care about that. They don’t have the ability or executive functioning to understand that yet!
So if this time of day is a struggle for you, what could you create to be their goal and then reach it?

First, you must clearly teach what behaviors you need them to do in order, such as; a) lie down with a quiet toy; b) maybe visit for a few minutes with you in a quiet voice; c) then close their eyes and lay fairly still until they drift off to sleep.
Next, what could help them catch your vision and be motivated to accomplish the task? A sticker on a chart? A fun activity with you? A time to play with a special toy? A simple treat? Do your best to give them a reason to comply with your request. Sinply doing something because you say to do it is lovely, but training along the way will give them a feeling of control over their actions and eventually success and an earned reward.

2. Share your goals with them! Not just the I-need-a-nap-so-badly goal, but also your bigger thoughts and aspirations! They will see you as a leader who is worthy of emulation and as someone who is interested in life and engaged in learning and continuing to evolve. If the people you are leaving happen to be your children, I believe they will automatically see themselves as learning and evolving just because you are.

3. Engage family members in your goals. Can little Sis sit on your feet while you do sit-ups? Can big brother grab the water bottles to load in the car when you’re all heading out for a run? What do you want to accomplish this week? This month? This year? It doesn’t matter if your goals stay constant or if they morph into new goals, just be as forward thinking as you can and share the journey with your loved ones. You may be surprised at how much they want to pitch in to help you succeed. Of course you can also up your game on being thoughtful about how to show your interest in their individual interests and goals and do what you can to support them!

Children want to please you. They want to see you smile at them. They want to be your delight and feel that they are important to you! And you know, I think I could say the same thing for your spouse! How wonderful it is to sit in the smile of your mate.

Helping others to achieve simple goals will get you through your days more peacefully and cooperatively and can help everyone at your house to feel that they are living in a learning and happy place.

Love you! You’ve got this!
Jacque

Wow!

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Hello friends. It’s been a few days of a technical difficulty and now we’re back online. Thank you for your patience!

Today I’d simply like to say, wow! You ladies amaze me!

You are fighting the good fight of finding time for self-care in the midst of very challenging circumstances. You may not feel like you are winning, but remember that every thought and every glance in the direction of caring for yourself is taking you closer and closer to your best self. Think on it, speak of it, enlist the support of your family and make it happen little by little.

You are learning from mistakes. You are learning about what makes you tick, what you natively do well and what you have to work to achieve.

You are learning that sometimes you react in ways you’d like to change. You see that you are susceptible to “button pushing” and you’re striving to be ever more in control of yourself.

You are gaining experience, the kind that brings wisdom with time, through each difficulty and in each realtionship.

You are hanging on and in the end, showing your true, beautiful colors.

You are tough. You are brave. You are, while human and ever-learning, a great force for good.

You are also learning to cut yourself some slack and to speak to yourself in a more tempered and gentle voice. You are also learning about the struggles of others which makes you feel less in competition with them and more charitable toward them.

You’re making it. Keep going. Find simple solutions to the small problems and you will find greater peace and success in the seemingly large issues before you.

Mostly, keep you eye on the prize. The prize of building a family and finding your best self and joy in the process.

With love and confidence,
Jacque

Make Friends With Small Bites and Baby Steps

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Life is a process.

There’s no such thing as leap-frogging over daily needs…at least not without unhealthy consequences.

We must eat. We must sleep. We grow. We need new clothes. We get tired. We need change.

Sometimes we think we can take life by storm and forego the necessities. We get ahead of ourselves, run too fast and burn out.

Sooner or later, we will do well to learn that our progress will most often come in small bites and baby steps.

That most days will feel “ordinary” and that the meaningful milestones come after long, persistent, dedicated effort.

And it’s the same for everyone.

You’re doing great. Keep on moving and hoping and working and praying.

And see if you can cheer for each small bite and baby step you and others take!

Love,

Jacque

 

Hospitality

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Derives from the Latin hospes, meaning “host”, “guest”, or “stranger”. …

hos·pi·tal·i·ty; noun the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors,or strangers.
S
ynonyms: friendliness, hospitableness, warm reception, welcome, helpfulness, neighborliness, warmth, kindness, congeniality, geniality, cordiality, courtesy, amenability, generous.

What awesome words–friendly, generous and warm! What about a little hospitality at home?

Where people feel comfortable and cared-for?

Seems like the little things count so much in creating that kind of welcoming atmosphere.

Food, always food!

Cleanliness.

A small note of appreciation.

A snack waiting.

This kind of graciousness is something that children can and want to join in because the are already kind and thoughtful!

Consider ways you would treat a guest, then do those things for yourself and those you love best…

You’re amazing! I pray for you and send you my love and best wishes for a wonderful day.

Sincerely,

Jacque

Loving Life Now!

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Do you live where lilacs grow?

These beauties came from my yard and my dad’s yard.

They only last for a short time and they are beautiful and smell heavenly!

Like these flowers and so many important things in life, the beautiful moments must be seized before they are gone! Seasons come and go before you know it’s happening.

Little boy voices grow into deep men’s voices. Little hands become big and far away. Opportunities to read stories and sit in sandboxes and look at rocks and take naps disappear before your eyes.

It really doesn’t matter much if you’re in the middle of a mess. Or if the garage hasn’t gotten straightened up yet. Or if you have work that seems to never end. Or if the kids aren’t in great harmony with each other all of the time. It’s ok. Life is still beautiful now. But you have to shift your focus to see it. {How I wish I could have written these words to my 30 year old self!}

Today, I challenge you to hear and see and smell and feel and rejoice in your world and in your family! Just as they are today.

Tomorrow comes too soon.

Sniff. Sniff. {My children know that means real tears!}

You’re doing great!

Love,

Jacque