Marriage

Marriage help

A Word About Wealth

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I was reminded again today of the affluent circumstances of many people I know. I refer to those who are able to look back over their lives and count

their many valuable human connections; relationships they have cultivated and honored; support they have given; celebratory moments they have created for others; causes and people they have championed.

How wonderful the harvest is when, over time, sweet relationships and deep connections are made.

As a parent, you’ll look back, if you haven’t already, and know that everything you have given to support and love and teach and train your children is more than worth what joy your relationships with them will return to you.

Be well. Be wealthy in your heart. That is the ultimate affluence!

Love,

Jacque

 

Step Up to Lead Out

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Recently I was asked the question, “Who do you lead?”  My response was, everyone I meet. And I’d say that that is true for you too. Aren’t we all influencing one another in large and small ways, almost constantly? And doesn’t influence also mean leadership?

Every word that comes out of our mouths informs others about what we value, what we have read, who we are and who is influencing us!

I truly believe that we cannot chose whether or not we will be influenced, but only by whom and what we will give enough time and attention to in order to be influenced. So hopefully we’ll be intentional about it.

And it’s not just our words that let others know who we are is it?

Oftentimes, it is the respect we show ourselves by caring for our bodies. Not consistently over-taxing ourselves nor allowing others to unduly burden us either. Stopping when we are tired. Or if you’re a guru at self-care, taking any opportunity you have to rest and recharge.

At times we inform others by our behavior that our needs aren’t that important. We can go without. We will be ok. And yet, we are human too. Yes, we love. Yes, we sacrifice to bring souls here to have a physical experience. Yes, it is very strenuous work! So it is imperative that we keep our reservoirs of emotional, physical, mental and spiritual strength as full as possible.

Mothers, please care for yourselves! Love others but love yourself too. Don’t apologize for needing a break. Or help. Or a healthful diversion.

I’m sending you my best wishes and vote of confidence today! You are enough to do what you were sent here to do.

Love,

Jacque

P.S. I believe we will be strengthened every time we ask for help in doing our special calling in our family life. Our children are God’s children and He wants them to receive the best possible care we can give! If you are feeling constantly overwhelmed, I would challenge you to intermittently ask the question, “Am I feeling overloaded because of my family calling or because I have time-consuming distractions that are keeping me running and too busy to feel happy and successful at home?” I have to constantly ask myself this question and I don’t have little ones at home anymore…there are just so many potential side roads aren’t there?

 

 

 

Ebb and Flow

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Last year this lupine in my garden was thriving. This spring it didn’t come back. I don’t know why, it just didn’t winter well.

We try hard to understand things that happen so that we can learn from the experience and try to influence outcomes in the future.

And sometimes we do.

But sometimes we just have to accept the ebb and flow of life. Sometimes we don’t figure things out.

And that’s ok.

There will be successes tomorrow or the next day.

There will be moments of smooth sailing and high spirits.

And when things are frustrating or hard to understand, we keep walking. Taking rests at times. Relaxing our minds and letting things be for awhile. Sometimes asking for help from a kindly soul nearby.

When it is time, we’ll find the meaning that will give us the experience and understanding that bring wisdom. And empathy. And human kindness.

Please keep on going and don’t you give up.

Much love,

Jacque

Pushing a Noodle

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If you have little people, I think you’ll understand what I mean when I say that you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink! {When it’s nap time, you can lead a little one to their bed but you cannot make her sleep can you?}

In thinking about this today, a funny picture jumped into my mind of someone trying to push a freshly cooked noodle! It really illustrates the level of frustration one may feel when going behind someone and trying to get them to do what you want them to do. There’s no body to it, nothing to push, particularly if this person is a toddler!

How then do you go from “pushing a noodle” to walking ahead while dangling the proverbial carrot in their sight? How do you lead out and encourage others to follow?

Here are a few ideas I hope you’ll find helpful. I believe they could be employed by anyone trying to lead anyone!

1. Create a clear goal. Not for you, but for them! Yes, you want to get everyone down for a nap so that you can think for a minute or rest or get lunch dishes done. But what do they get out of it? Yes, they’ll get rested and feel better for the duration of the day if they take a nap, but they don’t know that nor are they able to care about that. They don’t have the ability or executive functioning to understand that yet!
So if this time of day is a struggle for you, what could you create to be their goal and then reach it?

First, you must clearly teach what behaviors you need them to do in order, such as; a) lie down with a quiet toy; b) maybe visit for a few minutes with you in a quiet voice; c) then close their eyes and lay fairly still until they drift off to sleep.
Next, what could help them catch your vision and be motivated to accomplish the task? A sticker on a chart? A fun activity with you? A time to play with a special toy? A simple treat? Do your best to give them a reason to comply with your request. Sinply doing something because you say to do it is lovely, but training along the way will give them a feeling of control over their actions and eventually success and an earned reward.

2. Share your goals with them! Not just the I-need-a-nap-so-badly goal, but also your bigger thoughts and aspirations! They will see you as a leader who is worthy of emulation and as someone who is interested in life and engaged in learning and continuing to evolve. If the people you are leaving happen to be your children, I believe they will automatically see themselves as learning and evolving just because you are.

3. Engage family members in your goals. Can little Sis sit on your feet while you do sit-ups? Can big brother grab the water bottles to load in the car when you’re all heading out for a run? What do you want to accomplish this week? This month? This year? It doesn’t matter if your goals stay constant or if they morph into new goals, just be as forward thinking as you can and share the journey with your loved ones. You may be surprised at how much they want to pitch in to help you succeed. Of course you can also up your game on being thoughtful about how to show your interest in their individual interests and goals and do what you can to support them!

Children want to please you. They want to see you smile at them. They want to be your delight and feel that they are important to you! And you know, I think I could say the same thing for your spouse! How wonderful it is to sit in the smile of your mate.

Helping others to achieve simple goals will get you through your days more peacefully and cooperatively and can help everyone at your house to feel that they are living in a learning and happy place.

Love you! You’ve got this!
Jacque

Wow!

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Hello friends. It’s been a few days of a technical difficulty and now we’re back online. Thank you for your patience!

Today I’d simply like to say, wow! You ladies amaze me!

You are fighting the good fight of finding time for self-care in the midst of very challenging circumstances. You may not feel like you are winning, but remember that every thought and every glance in the direction of caring for yourself is taking you closer and closer to your best self. Think on it, speak of it, enlist the support of your family and make it happen little by little.

You are learning from mistakes. You are learning about what makes you tick, what you natively do well and what you have to work to achieve.

You are learning that sometimes you react in ways you’d like to change. You see that you are susceptible to “button pushing” and you’re striving to be ever more in control of yourself.

You are gaining experience, the kind that brings wisdom with time, through each difficulty and in each realtionship.

You are hanging on and in the end, showing your true, beautiful colors.

You are tough. You are brave. You are, while human and ever-learning, a great force for good.

You are also learning to cut yourself some slack and to speak to yourself in a more tempered and gentle voice. You are also learning about the struggles of others which makes you feel less in competition with them and more charitable toward them.

You’re making it. Keep going. Find simple solutions to the small problems and you will find greater peace and success in the seemingly large issues before you.

Mostly, keep you eye on the prize. The prize of building a family and finding your best self and joy in the process.

With love and confidence,
Jacque