Mothering

Inspiration on parenting

Is There an Adult in The House?

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Who is in charge at your house?

That seems like a quirky question I know, but really, who calls the shots?

I’ve been reminded several times in the last few days that a parent’s role is so critical that it can’t be part of a popularity contest!

Do we want our children to like us? Sure! Do we want them to be happy and have good things come their way? Of course!

But, if we’re so worried about rocking their boat, so-to-speak, that we habitually hesitate to offer course corrections or let them wade through the consequences of their choices, especially when they are difficult, we are doing them a great disservice.

Yep, there might be other people that can have casual, light and fun relationships with our kids, but they aren’t in the parenting role. We are.

Sure, kids can benefit greatly from friends and coaches and mentors and extended family members and that’s awesome! But let’s not get misguided in thinking that we want to be liked and have life be fun and smooth so much that we don’t step in and parent our kids.

I am overjoyed {often!} as I observe parents who are supportive and clear. Tough and tender. When they are willing to deal with a child who is temporarily upset by needing to deal with correction and consequences. You are doing an amazing work! I salute you!

Our children are depending on us to be kind, gentle, respectful and firm. {Do you know which one of those words is most difficult for you to “do”? I do and I’m working on it!} I’m convinced that our children’s welfare is the most motivating reason out there for us to grow-up ourselves and take responsibility for our own words, actions and basic behavior! They need us to be adults, so we need to do whatever it takes to move forward.

Best wishes to you as you practice, practice and practice some more. I’ve been parenting for 30 years and I am still practicing!

Don’t quit! Just take it a day at a time and you’ll become, over time, the solid, happy parent you can envision yourself being.

Love to you today my friend,

Jacque

P.S. Being a Lioness at the Door of you home is much easier when you are taking breaks, feeding yourself good food and keeping things as simple as possible. It takes solid self-care to make a solid parent! Bless you for your efforts!

A Little Bug

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Just a reminder on this summer day:

Yes, you can (and should!) correct your children’s behavior.

Remember the validation checklist though as you prepare to make yourself and your boundaries clear. Is what you need to say and how you will say it, kind? Gentle? Respectful? And firm?

When you have those four elements, not just one or two, but all four, you’re good to go.

Kids need boundaries and thrive on knowing where those boundaries are. It feels safe and makes life more predictable.

I hope you will feel success in your efforts today!

Love,

Jacque

P.S. If you aren’t using the four validating words with yourself, chances are you won’t be able to employ them well with your family. Be kind, gentle, respectful and firm in your own head, about yourself. Model boundaries in this way and watch your kids respond to you more positively. You’re doing great!

Leadership

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It seems that at times, we don’t quite understand that we are ALL in a position of leadership. Who you are leading may change as you grow and mature and make commitments, but all of us are leading and influencing someone!

In parenting, we want to help our children navigate the choices and learning opportunites before them, but what kind of leadership is most helpful?

Is it the kind of pseudo leadership that stands behind

someone and yells, “Get your stuff done, now! “Or is it leading to say, “You do what I say and don’t ask questions!”?

I think we all know that the leadership that is most beneficial and respect-worthy and effective is the kind that leads out, walks ahead, fights their battles, shows others how by their example, climbs to higher ground and reaches back to offer a hand-up, shouts words of encouragement and pours on the praise to those who are coming behind them, struggling to find their footing in their growing challenges.

I challenge you to put aside your frustration {in trying to push others from behind}, and step forward! Decide what it is you need and want to learn or to change, and do that. Share your learning journey as you go. Talk about what mountain you’re currently climbing and share you determination to reach the summit.

Share your moments of pause or fear and how you chose to replace it with the faith to keep moving.

This is how we lead.

We allow others to see us on our learning journey, maybe only a few steps ahead, and we model how a person encounters detours and blisters and fatigue while keeping their vision clear and bright.

“I am a good leader.”
“I am learning how to become better.”
“I am grateful for those who have gone before me, who love me and champion my growth by continuing to change and grow themselves.”

Much love to you today!

Jacque

Spam

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Nope, not in a tin can. The kind that comes to your inbox! A parable if you will…

I’ve been amazed, as I’ve mentioned before, at the immoral sludge that lands in my spam folder. Who spends their lives writing or producing this stuff? Why? What is the point? I don’t understand it, but I’ve spent time deleting each one, ignoring them while getting them gone.

So, imagine my delight, when one day a while ago, I discovered that I could select a “bulk-action” to delete all of the garbley-gook from each “author” and see 20 messages disappear at once! Now it takes a short time for me to clean that file out in comparison to deleting each one individually. What used to consume five precious minutes, now only requires less than one!

So I ask you, what other time might be spent cleaning the proverbial house that could be shortened and far less painful?

How do you tesseract beyond the temptation to become discouraged or hateful or resentful and angry?

We fold the fabric of time and leap over the distance by declaring that we choose to handle the difficulty with God’s help and in His way. The moment that declaration and petition is made, heaven rushes in to aid and bless us! Negativity melts away and peace comes in. The desire to be defensive or contentious leaves and in it’s place a true sense of our own ownership in the creation of the challenging situation…and strength to bear the truth of our responsibility! No one person is to blame for any interpersonal struggle. We are co-creating and evolving our relationships in every moment, so much so that the end result cannot be cut apart, the bad divvied to one party and the good to another.

By being open to God’s way of seeing and by leaving judgement to Him, we can “delete 20 negatives” in one flail swoop, by cutting down the time we spend arguing or contending with ourselves or others!

May we look to His power, in those critical moments, to heal our thinking errors and our spiritual ailments.

We are here to have joy. We claim it in part by learning to defer our judgement of a situation by asking for divine guidance instead of putting up our defenses and our fists.

I send you my love and confidence that you are capable of moving forward in your life and of steadily growing into more and more light and goodness.

One subtle choice at a time.

Be well.

Jacque

P.S. Maybe some of the inspiration you receive will be to seek out someone who can help you see your life and relationships more clearly. I am so grateful for those gifted folks who have and are filling that role for me!

 

Who Wins?

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The press is on! It’s big and it’s real!

There are so many people, causes, things and machines all vying for your attention! And who will win it, today and tomorrow?

In an article I read, and I think I’ve mentioned before, the designers of some of the most influential social media sites, actually disable the dings and red dots and exclamation points that appear on their devices because they know that those attention-grabbers are almost psychologically impossible for a human brain to ignore…and they don’t want their family to be living a life of pseudo reality! {The very life that they helped create for millions of other families. According to the article, it sounds like they didn’t mean to make something that is so very good at grabbing people’s attention, or maybe they didn’t realize what the fallout would really be when people were glued to their devices instead of engaging with their family and friends…except, whether they knew it or not, they did. I could be clearer, but my husband just got home early and I want to see him, so I hope you get what I’m trying to say!}

What else and who else is competing for your attention? And how are you choosing where to give it? No really, the answer to that question is vital because it will bring you wisdom and direction. {Pause and think and answer if you will.}

I declare that you are brave and tough and crazy-good to be living the dedicated life you have chosen in the topsy-turvy world we’re in. I have no doubt that you are or can:
Choose your thoughts {do those declarations every day!!}
Choose your attitude
Claim your blessings
Learn new ways of being that will bring you greater peace
Get better and better at choosing where you will place your attention throughout each day

All my best to you!

Love,

Jacque