Mothering

Inspiration on parenting

“I Belong”

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I listened to a business pep talk the other day and the lovely girl who wrote it suggested four things to offer business clients: 

 

1 is to provide a community of like minded people who can create friendships and support one another
2 is to provide sacred spaces where people feel safe to share who they are inside,
3 is to simply love the the people you are serving! and
4 is to notice, appreciate, hear and understand them to show them that love!

I thought it was great advice, {thank you for the reminder Fabienne}. We endeavor to offer these exact things at Lioness!

But even more importantly than what this recipe can do for a business, I’ve been thinking that this is a great recipe for what we want to offer the people we call family.

It’s really a little lesson on validation isn’t it?

So… is there someone in your house who could use an extra dose of understanding today?

I challenge you to find them (and I will too) and let them know, by your validating ways, that they belong in your heart.

Be well!

Jacque

P.S.

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As an addition to yesterday’s post on validation skills, I offer a few more thoughts:

Sometimes I think it is hard for us to determine what “loving” behavior is exactly. {Isn’t that why we are tempted to enable others, when we are trying to be “loving” but we end up actually doing for them what they can and need to do themselves?}

Is loving behavior then, the things we do that help us and others to grow? That helps us and others to take responsibility for our own behavior and decisions?

I think so. And I think that is the point of learning to validate, not attempt to control or coerce or emotionally blackmail the people we love, but to support them in solving their own problems by letting the problem stay with them.  It’s really a fast track to growing relationships and people!

Add to that the quote I came across yesterday:

“Unloving behavior is reactive. Loving behavior is creative.” Virginia Satir

Now there’s a little food for thought!

Sounds like, you throw a fit, I throw a fit. Or you get defensive, so I get defensive. You start yelling, so I start yelling. {And then we are tempted to believe that the person who started this scenario is the one responsible, right?}

Being reactionary can also be unloving to ourselves. Because when we automatically react, it puts us in the victim role in a sense, simply responding without really thinking or deciding what our behaviors will be, independent of what others say or do.

I hope we can keep learning and progressing in our skills so that our families will continue to progress.

We’re all in a learning process. And in family life, we have all the situations and dilemmas and challenges we need to put what we learn into practice! And then practice some more!

I wish you patience and endurance while the growth is happening!

Be well. Have faith. Our family ties are worth every effort we dare to make.

Jacque

Consider This

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When you are tempted to “lay down the law” for someone who is under your stewardship, consider the rules of validation.

{Everyone wants and needs to know that: they are of worth, their feelings matter and that someone really

cares about them.}

How can the person you are concerned about feel more of your love and appropriate support?

When you have wrapped your head around how to say what needs to be said in a way that is kind, respectful, gentle and firm, proceed while remembering the truth:

{“Leave the responsibility for what needs to be done with the person who has the problem.”}

How differently our world will operate when we get good at using the skills of validation.

Love,

Jacque

Care For Her

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Who do you love most in the world? Your spouse? Your children? Your parents and siblings? Your friends?

Then be kind to them and care for the person they love most in the world!  {And the girl who, for a time, is their world!}

Yes, I mean you. Care for yourself and you will be better able to care for and about them.

Here are a few thoughts:
~ask for and receive the knowledge of who you are and what you mean to God
~figure out how to take breaks!!!
~remember, or find out, what you love to do
~create something {to renew yourself}
~eat well
~ask for help
~develop a talent
~talk to God
~write your thoughts in a journal
~strive for enough sleep! {don’t give it up for FB}
~sit in the sun
~think about your life
~date your spouse
~listen to the birds
~pray to feel love
~forgive yourself
~forgive everyone else too
~slow down to the speed of life
~put yourself on the priority list
~cultivate a voice of kindness towards yourself
~be done with shame and negativity
~write positive declarations on your mirror!
~memorize them and repeat them many times a day
~get outside, breathe the air and move your body!

I pray that every mother who reads this blog will make the shift {if you haven’t already}, to the mindset of deliberate and consistent self-care.

That shift will serve your family better than most anything else, because you will be better able to stay well and to serve in your capacity as the caring spouse and mother that you are! God bless you to know how valuable you are and how much your efforts are needed and appreciated!

Sending you my love today,

Jacque