Self-care ideas

Ideas and inspiration about the need to care for ones self

The Basics

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I heard an insightful talk recently about strengthening families. The speaker referred to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, {remember, the pyramid that begins at the bottom with basic needs being met, then rising to the top with the ability to self-actualize, or fully develop one’s talents and gifts?}

and suggested that we may think that in the midst of our abundant lifestyle, that our basic needs are met, meaning we have food, water, warmth and rest, safety and security.

We also might assume we have the next layer of psychological needs which are the need to belong, to be loved, have friends and a sense of accomplishment.

We also might think that since all our basic needs are met, we believe our families will eventually self-actualize, or grow to their full potential!

The question was asked, how are your family’s basic needs being met? You have shelter, but is it safe and secure with order and boundaries? Is there good food to eat at regular meals? 

Have we put in the work to help our family members feel that they have a place to belong? To have friends and family connections, and do they feel loved and heard?

I thought that highlighting these questions was profound.

And then I heard the perfect anecdote for the ways we, as a society, may be falling short in providing these basic needs for our families. It was a jewelry commercial of all things, but the tagline was: Dare to be devoted.

I don’t think that our kids can expect to truly reach their potential without the dedication and devotion of parents. 

What might devotion in this sense mean?

Maybe being very clear about limiting the distractions we allow into our lives and making courageous decisions about how we spend our time and resources. {Our children are here and then they are gone!}

Maybe setting goals to cover the basics well, and more consistently. Regular meals; nap-times; bed-times; homework times; clean clothes to wear; clean beds and a general sense of peace in our homes.

Maybe to put in the time and effort to heal relationships; minimize stressful situations so that kids can be free to play and learn and grow.

Maybe upping our self-care so that we can be the best version of us possible in this time. Rest. Eat well. Breathe. Relax. Enjoy. Learn. Laugh.

We are blessed with so many options! I believe it is more important than ever for us to chose well. We can dare to be devoted!

I hope you will have a wonderful week ahead!

Much love to you,
Jacque

Love You

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Let’s get right to the heart of it: loving you is important.

In fact it’s so important that accepting and loving others is nigh on impossible to do without love and acceptance of self.

Remember when you have had moments of feeling enough; of feeling loved; of feeling mature and accomplished and supported?

How did you treat people, or how do you think you would have treated people when you were in that beloved space? Would you be better at holding healthy boundaries? Listening with your full attention? Validating another’s need to feel that someone really cares about them?

The inside of happiness and warmth is love and kindness toward self.  Outside is loving kindness toward everyone else! 

Now think of a time you felt less than good about yourself; maybe you felt failed or guilty or forgotten or worse, maybe you felt that grand deception of being flawed or shamed?

How did, or would you treat others when you are in that mental and emotional wasteland? It’s not a pretty thought is it?

So why do we get mixed-up about self-love? We think it might be wrong or prideful or conceited or arrogant to say, “I like myself! I love myself!”?

I believe that pride and conceit and arrogance are mostly the outcome of self-criticism, of feeling less-than and needing to prove ourselves. The faulty belief that love and acceptance are limited! Competition. There’s not enough to go around. 

What do you think?

Can you say the words to yourself, I like myself, I love myself, and mean it?

Go ahead, give it a try! Give the gift of kindness and compassion to yourself this month! In your thoughts and words, be true to yourself. Say words that will support and uplift your mind, that will encourage you and propel you forward.

Because that forward movement will be loving, kind and gentle. It will be giving from fullness. 

No need to be on the warpath of proof. {I have learned this through painful experience!}

Already, you are worthwhile; already you are valued; already you are capable; already you are bright; already you are the unique soul that is giving to the world exactly those things that only you can give!

I thank God for you. For your contributions. For your desires to give!

I pray He will walk beside you as you continue to cultivate self-love and respect, and that He will inspire you to know if or when you may need extra support from a trusted counselor or friend.

I pray that the love and peace we cultivate within ourselves will pour out onto our children and spouses in smiles, and be the benediction they need today.

Much love,
Jacque

P.S. Being self-critical as a means of “keeping yourself inline” doesn’t work. That is a false notion! Better to do our best to emulate the Godly correction we receive when we ask and then listen…it is still and small and kind, gentle and FIRM and full of love and hope and encouragement to do better.

Whose Is It?

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Learning to know where we end and where our children begin is of utmost importance.

What problems/challenges/desires/opportunities belong to us?

Which problems/challenges/desires/opportunities belong to them?

Our children need us to get this right. They need to learn to solve problems, speak up, make decisions and gain

their independence one small step at a time.

If we jump in to solve every problem, to speak for them when they can speak for themselves or override their opportunities without considering their desires, we may be overstepping our boundaries.

Remember, as we learn from the Lundberg’s book, I Don’t Have To Make Everything All Better, we can walk beside those we love and offer a validating, listening ear, but we most often need to let the problem stay with it’s owner.

We can ask ourselves, “whose problem is this?” and “how can I let my child know I’m here to offer support without taking over?”

We can also practice listening, giving our full attention and memorize the validating questions and phrases to help us engage in our listening to the point that our child can feel our love. They will also feel our confidence when we keep out of trying to solve the problems that are the perfect growing opportunity for them.

Practice. Practice. Baby step. Baby step. That’s how we are growing.

We can give our children the same opportunity.

Much love to you today,
Jacque

The Art of Questioning

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Questions are magical.

They narrow our focus, as if through a special seeking lens, onto something we don’t yet know.

Then, seeing through our seeking lens, we begin to see the answers before us.

But we can’t be lazy about questions.

Questions that hang around, yet don’t receive any effort, can become nagging, dragging negative thinking.

Ask! Then get to work!

Read. Study. Search. Think. Write. Give thanks for each piece that comes!

We won’t get where we want to go by passively waiting for the answers to appear.

Work is a great blessing!

Questions that lead to work find answers.

Love to you this winter day!
Jacque

“Truth eternal, truth divine,
In thine ancient fullness shine!
Burst the fetters of the mind
From the millions of mankind!”

Truth Eternal, Parley P Pratt
fet·ter
/ˈfedər/
noun
  1. 1.
    a chain or manacle used to restrain a prisoner, typically placed around the ankles.
    “he lay bound with fetters of iron”
    synonyms: shackles, manacles, handcuffs, irons, leg irons, chains, restraints;

 

On Purpose

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Hello my friend! I hope that you are off to a good start this week, speaking kindly to yourself and validating your feelings and efforts.

Just wanted to reiterate something we discussed back in Step 1 of the 7 Steps to Family Wellness Seminar which was, Take Charge of Thoughts & Vision.

But first a quote:

“Right now, in this moment, without moving from where you are, you can find ample evidence to prove your life is a miserable, depressing, terrible burden, or you can find evidence to prove your life is an abundant, joyful, exciting adventure.”
John-Roger & Peter McWilliams, You Can’t Afford The Luxury of a Negative Thought

Inspiring and true isn’t it? Not sure? Ok, how about a little meditation?

{This whole exercise will only take about 60 second, two questions, 30 seconds each.}
Please read each sentence, close your eyes and answer carefully in your mind.

If I shift my mental focus to look for them, what are the beautiful gifts in my life right now?

Close your eyes and think clearly about the answer.

{30 seconds is a long time to stay focused isn’t it?}

Now, when you are finished answering that question, please take 30 more seconds, eyes closed, to answer this one:

What percentage of my time am I focused on seeing and appreciating the positives in my life?

Close your eyes and let the answer come.

Any revelations?

Now, what will you do with these insights? {I hope you will quickly write them down and post them where they will keep inspiring you!}

Now a few challenging thought questions:

How can you alter your environment so that it will remind you to keep your focus where you want it to be? Sticky notes? Reminder on your phone? Daily gratitude journal? An accountability buddy? Put your thought training bracelets back on?

And lastly, what will you do each time the habitual negatives creep in?

Well, this is where we Lionesses get fierce! We knock the negatives out! We don’t invite them in! In fact, we disarm them by calling them out and exposing them as the deceptions they are!

Going with the flow on this point doesn’t work. We will de-volve if we stop trying! We must practice keeping mental boundaries that will aid us in moving forward to becoming the force we were born to be!

Much love to you today my friend.
Jacque

P.S. Life is beautiful. Peace is available. Support is ever around you. You are loved. That is the truth. Life is also challenging and trying, but that is on purpose and by design and even that truth can turn out to be beautiful too when our hearts are humble and teachable.

P.P.S. I would love to have you join us in the next seminar group! You won’t regret it if you do! I have gift certificates for your husband to purchase. “Oh Santa…!”