I know this goes without saying, but we live in a victim-minded culture! So sometimes it is hard to see things as they are.
One thing that stands out to me over and over in the many situations I see playing out in the news, in my clients lives and in my own family is that of what I’d call the victim turned perpetrator cycle.
Next time you are angry or frustrated and feel to give someone a piece of your mind, maybe with a loud voice, consider why you feel it is ok to treat someone like that.
Or when you witness anger or rudeness in social settings or in a movie or in politics, consider why the justification for bad behavior?
Take the women’s liberation movement. Though much good has come from having women’s voices heard and opportunities more readily available, at the extreme, why would women feel justified in speaking of men as if they are un-needed and collectively inferior and disappointing? This is certainly an attitude that has caught on in our culture, most especially visible in TV programming where dad’s are often portrayed as lacking, bumbling characters.
Of course it all boils down to feeling victimized. It’s the belief that turn about is fair play; a you hurt me, I’ll hurt you attitude.
One more reason to examine any beliefs that we have about being victims in our relationships, including our relationship with ourselves. How you speak to yourself is a great indicator of where you are on the victimized- feeling scale. When we put ourselves down and berate ourselves, we are treating ourselves as victims and adding to the faulty belief that we don’t have control over our own lives.
The goal is to treat ourselves kindly. To treat others as we want to be treated (not in response to how we perceive we’ve been treated).
There’s a pretty short distance from victim to perpetrator. Let’s work to heal from a victim mentality and claim our own power to learn and chart our own course–while NOT feeling justified in behaving abusively toward others or ourselves.
God bless you!
P.S. Next time you want to react or lash out, think back in this situation to where you first started feeling “less than,” flip that thought around to a positive truth and then decide your response to the situation.
P.P.S. Already know what triggers you? (I do!) Create a declaration around that specific belief or situation and work to shift your belief about yourself before the trigger strikes– then employ your declaration in the middle of the trigger too if/when it may strike! (That other person is just helping you to see what you already believe!)