A few years ago, I was recovering from back surgery. It was a grueling process and after a few months of recovery, I was still struggling.

So it was wonderful that an elderly lady in our town invited me to come and swim with her a few mornings each week in the small pool she and her husband had installed in a converted carport.

As we swam, I got to know her better and I looked forward to visiting with her!

She was in her 80’s and tough as nails. She told me interesting stories of her life and I listened intently.

She had been a school teacher for years and she and her husband had raised a large family on the small income of a family farm.

She told me about when they had decided that she would go back to school to help support the family. Their children were all young and in grade school, so she would make the family’s bread and do the laundry and have things ready to go for the week, and then she would travel to the university some distance away from their home and go to school each week.

In her absence, her husband would work on the farm and care for the kids, helping them get to school and do their homework and their chores while she was away. They both worked hard and when she graduated, she taught many of us at the local elementary school.

I think she was way ahead of her time!

Anyhow, one day when I joined her to swim, she kindly asked me how my back was feeling. I honestly replied that it was painful and I was ready for it to be healed! Her response to me has become a staple phrase at our house. It took me by surprise and I couldn’t wait to share it with my kids!

She said,

“Jacque, you just go ahead and complain, and see if it makes you feel any better!”

Oh, it makes me laugh to this day! What a card she was!

While I hope to listen with empathy when I ask someone how they are feeling, I will also never forget the sentiment that complaining really doesn’t make anything better.

Greg Baer, the Real Love guy says it this way:

“Complaining isn’t a step.” Meaning, complaining wastes time! And we ultimately have to stop complaining in order to figure out the next step we can take to solve the problem at hand.

Really, complaining keeps us in limbo. We can get stuck in a pseudo feeling of problem solving, when in actuality, our minds are crazily thinking and our mouths are yap, yap, yapping in negative loops about how hard or unfair “it” is or how much we dislike and want to avoid the problem that is ours to solve!

We already know that the way to relief is in arriving at the action we need to take–even if it’s a baby step, or even a baby thought in the right direction!

I hope and pray that you will find answers to the challenges you are facing each day. I’m right there with you, learning as fast as I possibly can because as a parent, that is exactly what family life demands!

Be well my friend!

Love,

The mission of Lioness at the Door is to uplift, strengthen and encourage women of all ages to magnify health, hope and happiness at home. We do so boldly, with humility and gratitude for the opportunity.