“If your parents failed to give you enough Real Love, don’t blame them. Just use that understanding to motivate you to take the steps to find Real Love and share it with your children.” Dr. Greg Baer
{I really need the things I am learning about Real Love, so I’m hoping that you might benefit from reviewing these principles too!}
One of the most thrilling and beautiful things that happens when we realize we are more responsible for the state of affairs than we thought, is that we also realize that we have more power than we ever realized to change the way things are!
But with greater understanding of our power and therefore the mistakes we have made, comes the great need we have to keep moving forward, not getting stuck in that it-makes-no-sense-that-it-would-be-tempting-to-sit-still-and-feel-horrible-but-it-is-spot!
To better understand the blame part, Dr. Baer teaches that it is futile to blame for at least two reasons, both of which you already know, but just for reminder’s sake, he gives the following reasons.
One, blaming anyone is useless if you want to progress, because it strips you of your personal power. It means that since they are to blame, they have power over your happiness and they have to change before you can be happy. {Ever waited for someone else to change? Know how ridiculously annoying that is?}
And not just annoying, but torturous because in our waiting, we don’t move forward and fill ourselves with unconditional love and give our children what they need to progress, which is the abundance of the Real Love we already feel and therefore can give to them! Whew! It’s crazy making!
The other reason Baer gives to avoid blame is that our parents gave all they knew how to give. They didn’t have a conversation with themselves and decide to withhold unconditional love from their children, even though they had it to share! They simply gave what they had to give, which in many cases, didn’t have much to do with a feeling of being Really Loved.
Our goal then is to recognize our own need to be loved unconditionally, and then to find the help and relationships that will fill us up with honest, kind, gentle, respectful, firm and Real Love.
We can start taking baby steps. We can:
1 Be intentional and repentant, ask God for guidance.
2 If necessary, seek counseling to help unravel confusion.
3 Practice self-care and declarations of self-love, every day, every day, every day!
4 Cultivate relationships with people who already exhibit the ability to love others unconditionally.
We have the power to give our children a beautiful life, regardless of the life we lived as children. But that requires cultivating Real Love in our hearts.
I pray for you and all mothers and fathers everywhere!
May you be blessed with all you need to give your children what they truly need.
Real Love, love, love,
The mission of Lioness at the Door is to uplift, strengthen and encourage women of all ages to magnify health, hope and happiness at home. We do so boldly, with humility and gratitude for the opportunity.