Have you studied the principles of unconditional love but wonder how they can help you with stress and pain today?

First, my heart goes out to you! Family life can be an enormous challenge and we generally don’t have the tools and preparation we need before we launch into it as parents! It’s a learn-as-you-go evolution! For all of us!

So in case you could use some perspective, here are 10 questions I hope will help you identify your next steps toward feeling better!

1 How is your love tank? (Now don’t flip out, just roll with me here! If it’s chronically low, a new love tank filling routine must be in order!)

Right in this minute however, remember that taking in more oxygen with deep breathing, while also reaching out in humble, repentant prayer, can relieve tension now and change your mood on a dime.

2 Do you feel like you’re holding in tears, trying to be strong and in charge? It may be better to just go with your body’s built in stress relieving system, and cry! Crying (without blaming others for your tears) is a great natural way to destress and is much better than bottling up that emotion only to have it explode in anger on some innocent person.

3 Have you been snapping or yelling or generally rude to the people at your house? (No shifting of responsibility here. Kids act out when they are missing the care, the love, the truth and guidance they need. Moms and Dads are responsible.) If the answer is yes, the quickest road to relief is sincerely saying you’re sorry, then leading your family off the field of death with your humility and honesty. 

6 Are your kid’s behaviors generally adding to your stress and tension? Procrastinating giving clear boundaries, and teaching them the principles of unconditional love, is not in their best interest!

Teaching them from a place of love means teaching them for their sake, not for your comfort or sanity, and that clear perspective will give you the ability (and honesty and sincerity) to gently, respectfully and firmly give them the information they need to drastically change their perspective, and help them to receive your love so that they can behave better!

(Remember, if you’re acting out, you can’t receive love either!)

If I think that I want to correct a child because I feel irritated or inconvenienced, I hesitate to say anything because I know in my gut that something isn’t right with my motives and chances are, anything said with the goal of making my life easier will not be received as love! How could it?

But, if I want to correct and teach a child because I want what is best for them, there is less angst, and hesitation, because it’s for their sake! That’s love! 

 7 Are you reaching out for help? If having space and time to connect with God and your wise women seems impossible, it’s time for serious intervention. We can’t wait for our spouses or friends to understand what we need based on how stressed or challenged we are. We must take responsibility for our own love tanks. Period.

Our children’s lives and futures depend on whether or not we are feeling seen, heard, accepted and loved, so we must reach out for support until we create the opportunities to get what we need.

 8 What judgements you are having about yourself, your spouse and your kids right now? If you think you should be further along in your progress than you are, or that you have failed at parenting and your children are monsters, or if you are ruminating about the things that drive you crazy about your spouse, you’re adding to your tension and pain!

Stop judging! This is exhaustion and pain talking! And it’s keeping you in the pain/fear cycle!

9 Give your pain and judgements to God. He alone can see you and your family with the correct levels of justice and mercy! Let go of your need to be right and to justify your disappointment and anger! He governs in love and can come to you in your challenges if you can turn to Him and allow yourself to feel His love, even while you’re learning.

10 Are you caring for yourself? If not, maybe it’s time to consider a better use of what free time you have. Instead of scrolling or venting or running away by overeating or binging on social or worse, use that time to do something helpful for yourself! Wake up and be honest!

Listen to uplifting music, read uplifting books, rest as much as possible, exercise by doing something physical that you love like gardening or bike riding, eat good foods and drink plenty of water. In general, be kind to the mother of your children so she can feel loved and nourished and have something to give!

Your job as a mother is absolutely critical! It’s also demanding your growth. 

You can do this! I know you can!

But in order to be successful, you must feel loved and be loving. Ask God to help you make that happen.

Sending you my love,