Hello! I hope you are breathing and taking December in stride. {I’m working on the stride part!}

I’ve been inspired lately by many things!

Today, I’d like to share two principles I think fit together quite nicely.

The first, is an insight from an article I read recently, that encouraged me to focus on being intentional and repentant, instead of being overwhelmed by perfectionism. {Uchtdorf} Isn’t that powerful?

What does it mean?

“Intentional” makes me think of recognizing our need for learning; making decisions based on faith and determining our next steps.

“Repentant,” means we don’t have to know everything right now, and we don’t have to somehow do things perfectly, because we are learning as we go! Particularly in marriage and parenting right?

It means that we are accountable for our behavior and the thoughts and feelings that precede our behavior. It means that we can gradually get better, because, if we will, we can press the reset button {repent} as many times as we need to in our quest of creating new and healthier thinking and behavior habits.

In short, we can become more loving as we choose to course correct, over and over again.

We already know that “perfectionism” can be overwhelming to the point of paralyzing. It is most difficult to start or continue anything when we expect no-fail results from everything we do.

I love this counsel! It helps us know there is time to grow. And it is the perfect spiritual practice that helps us move forward in our development as women in leadership in the home or anywhere else.

The second piece of inspiration is a principle from the Real Love in Parenting book. {Greg Baer, M.D.}

I thought this chapter was a little hard to take, so I offer the reminder one more time: we can focus on being intentional and repentant, versus being overwhelmed by perfectionism. We’re learning. We’re learning. We’re learning. With that mantra running, here we go…

Dr. Baer states his third principle for parenting as this:

When you are angry, you are wrong. {And I would add, as he does later, most likely what you are is scared, hungry, exhausted, in a negative space in your head, sad, empty, disappointed, etc.}

See what I mean? This is pretty bold, considering the fact that most parents and children can recall being angry! {And doesn’t it always seem like someone else’s fault?}

He exposes thinking errors in a number of ways, quite thoroughly!

One section is titled, “Why We Get Angry.”

And it states:
“If anger is so destructive–to us personally, to our children, and to our relationships with them–why do we continue to get angry? Why do we continue to use a behavior that never gives us the results we really want? We continue to get angry at our children because:
We’re empty and afraid ourselves.
Our children don’t fill our enormous expectations for their love.
Anger is a response we’ve learned from our parents and others throughout our lives.”

Uuggh.

Do you hear truth in this?

He goes on to explain:

“With anger we feel “better” in several ways:

We feel stronger, more in control, less helpless.
We often succeed in commanding their (our children’s) respect.
If we consistently manipulate our children to do what we want, we feel competent.
We create the illusion of being disciplined and strong parents, earning the praise of other parents.
We achieve the peace and quiet we crave.”

This is just a very small taste of what is explained so beautifully in this book! I cannot agree enough with the declaration that we are all in need of “Real love,” and that without it, we are constantly in search of a counterfeit version.

How can we feel more loved ourselves? Yes, feeling more loved is within our control!

How can we give more Real (unconditional) love to our family members?

We can start with backing off perfectionism, decide to be intentional in our learning and repentant and humble as we learn new and better ways of relating to the people we love.

Start with loving and accepting yourself. Speak the words,
“I like myself, I love myself.”
“I am learning.”
“I am beloved by God.”
“I am His daughter.”

Spend time being your real self with your real friends. Accept their love and the “reality” they reflect back to you about yourself.

Take care of your body!
Eat well.
Rest as much as possible.
Move.
Be clean.
Be positive.

We can be taught! And we can teach; Most powerfully when we tell the truth in love.

Be well, and I hope you have a wonderful, imperfect but practicing day ahead!

I pray you will feel encouraged and supported and loved.

Love always,

The mission of Lioness at the Door is to uplift, strengthen and encourage women of all ages to magnify health, hope and happiness at home. We do so boldly, with humility and gratitude for the opportunity.