Have you had the experience as a parent of being challenged beyond what you could comfortably manage?
And, have there been moments when you were in so far over your head, sleep-deprived and sick or just had so many demands on your time and attention and patience that you knew you had to have help or sink?
Motherhood has felt like that at times to me.
Can you relate?
If so, this post is for you!
This structure, this design of family life that begins with choices, decision making, a marriage commitment, intimacy, children, complete dependence, learning on the job, illness, work, change and all….was created by God.
And part of that design, as I see it, is the extremity it brings!
Extreme hunger. Extreme need for sleep. Extreme challenges of all shapes and sizes including illness and accident, are all part of our experience in families.
And the truth is that none of what we are experiencing is a shock to God! Even the parts we may have made more complicated and dramatic than they needed to be, or the occasions we have taken on too many things at once and buried ourselves in unnecessary minutiae!
But in general, why do you think family life was set out this way?
I believe the role of parenting others was designed to grow us up. To stretch us so far in fact, that we have to make choices: To lean on our own understanding or to choose God!
So how do we know which choice we’re making on any given day? Well, we can know we aren’t choosing God when we are spinning our wheels and blaming our family members for our problems!
And not when we are looking for an escape and running away through distraction or trying to find relief using a substance or some numbing activity in excess.
Even the seemingly justified whining, yelling, pouting, blaming, disconnecting and generally feeling like and acting like a victim to family life doesn’t work. I know I’ve tried! It’s as if you take a difficult situation and you make it infinitely worse by focusing on how horrible it all can feel!
I think our extremity rightly invites us to a crossroads: we can choose to go it alone, using all of the reactive and self-protecting behaviors we’ve learned all our lives (and the drama that follows), or we can connect with God and find liberation and peace.
When we are humble and teachable as He invites us to be, we can be enabled to work through the complexity of our relationships and then simplify and delight in them!
If we are willing to take responsibility for our own behavior, we can in fact elevate those relationships by our willingness to own our part of whatever drama is playing out. That’s called repentance.
When family life is extreme and we are taxed to our limits, that is a most excellent place to be since it moves us to choose and to act!
And one of the choices that is always before us, is to give ourselves and our lives over to God, to surrender to Him and His will.
That surrender feels like calming down inside, exerting faith before every footstep, and being at peace with the fact that we know, that He knows who we are becoming and what experiences we need to develop into the mature and loving people He created us to become.
Being connected with Him ultimately means casting away all fear of the unknowns, the pain of our mistakes and inadequacies and trusting that He will carry tutor and guide us through it all.
I challenge you (and me) to act today in the best interests of our families by choosing the path of humility, ownership and growth.
God bless you today and always!
