In the Healing With Love class last week, we talked a lot about the Law of Choice.
Hello my friend, I hope this finds you well.
Sometimes we think we want our spouse to do what we want them to do, when we want them to do it. Right? (Can you think of a recent example of this from your marriage relationship?)
We want them to respond to our ideas enthusiastically! We want them to want to talk through things, to….the….bitter….end.
We want them to want to go where we want to go, when we want to go there! Can you relate?
But at the same time, what we don’t want is to be married to a robot or a puppet on strings!
We want to be married to an adult person who knows his mind and who has ideas and receives inspiration for our family too!
The Law of Choice, as stated by Dr. Greg Baer in his Real Love books, explains that, “we all have the right to choose what we say and do.”
Of course honoring this law can be challenging when the choices of others seem to be an inconvenience to us! But, in reality, trying to persuade, coerce, guilt or badger someone into doing things our way and seeing things the way we see them makes for contention and isolation for a few reasons.
One, because we might erroneously think he’s acting like a jerk (simply because he has his own opinion) and two, because, what adult wants to be treated like an inconvenient child? Not I! And I’d guess, not you either!
Instead of working so hard to have our way, it’s much better for everyone if we can shift our focus to, “what would help my spouse to feel loved and valued?”
(When we kicked this question around, every woman knew exactly what that loving thing would be for her spouse!)
“The path to happiness in a relationship is not just about finding someone who you think will make you happy; it is about finding someone who you want to make happy.
Marriage is about finding someone whose happiness is worth devoting yourself to. This doesn’t build resentment, quite the opposite, in sacrificing for something worthwhile, you deeply strengthen your commitment to it. Sacrifice deepens commitment. It is an essential foundation to deep friendships, happy families and marriages.”
Clayton Christensen, How Will You Measure Your Life?
I wish you a blessed day today, full of loving thoughts for your spouse. What is one small thing on your agenda today that you could sacrifice for his happiness? Maybe it’s just the need to control his thoughts and feelings. Instead of attempting to control, we can relax and show love and acceptance. Just the way he is today.
God bless you!
P. S. You’re invited to jump into the Healing With Love class! We’d love to have you join in the learning! https://mystore2049.samcart.com/products/healing-with-love-and-coaching-monthly-plan
Everyone will be starting at different times, going through all six classes and assignments, and getting together twice a month to discuss what we’re learning.