As an addition to yesterday’s post on validation skills, I offer a few more thoughts:

Sometimes I think it is hard for us to determine what “loving” behavior is exactly. {Isn’t that why we are tempted to enable others, when we are trying to be “loving” but we end up actually doing for them what they can and need to do themselves?}

Is loving behavior then, the things we do that help us and others to grow? That helps us and others to take responsibility for our own behavior and decisions?

I think so. And I think that is the point of learning to validate, not attempt to control or coerce or emotionally blackmail the people we love, but to support them in solving their own problems by letting the problem stay with them.  It’s really a fast track to growing relationships and people!

Add to that the quote I came across yesterday:

“Unloving behavior is reactive. Loving behavior is creative.” Virginia Satir

Now there’s a little food for thought!

Sounds like, you throw a fit, I throw a fit. Or you get defensive, so I get defensive. You start yelling, so I start yelling. {And then we are tempted to believe that the person who started this scenario is the one responsible, right?}

Being reactionary can also be unloving to ourselves. Because when we automatically react, it puts us in the victim role in a sense, simply responding without really thinking or deciding what our behaviors will be, independent of what others say or do.

I hope we can keep learning and progressing in our skills so that our families will continue to progress.

We’re all in a learning process. And in family life, we have all the situations and dilemmas and challenges we need to put what we learn into practice! And then practice some more!

I wish you patience and endurance while the growth is happening!

Be well. Have faith. Our family ties are worth every effort we dare to make.

Jacque