Hello! I hope you are well today!
Just a quick post on the first principle of Real Love, as written by Greg Baer in Real Love in Parenting.
First and foremost, our kids need to feel loved.
That’s it.
Think about what makes you feel loved…
Is it being heard and understood? Being known, as in what you like and what makes you tick? Is it being thought of by someone even when you are apart? Is it receiving kind words? Service? And or affection?
Surely, each person has their own ways of receiving love from others. So maybe part of the trick is learning how your individual child, or children, receive love the best.
But even more basically than that, Baer is saying that when we are treated kindly and with respect, no matter if we have been “bad or good” we can continue to feel loved.
As parents, we have to give up the notion that because we need to correct or teach we are justified in being sharp, loud, critical, demeaning, physically harmful or withdrawing our attention and affection.
Baer relates that sometimes people will say, well, I’m really happy with my kids most of the time, but sometimes I lose it and yell and frown and let them know how angry I am…to which he says, think of spending time visiting with a wonderful person; they are so pleasant and kind for most of the visit, all except for the last ten minutes you’re there when they chase you around screaming at you and threatening you! Do you feel happy in your memories with that person? Or do those frightening few moments color your feelings about them enough to make you seriously question whether or not they really care about you?
When a person feels loved and they know that you are going to love them no matter what, they can receive correction and guidance quite well.
Yes, even when consequences need to come, when children are learning, they can be given with kindness and respect. {We’re not talking about withholding consequences!}
Children, and adults, can learn so well when love is part of the teaching equation.
Mmmm, something to think about.
Maybe you are already a natural at giving consistent, unconditional, Real Love! Kudos to you! I have needed and still need a lot of practice.
I wish you a day of sunshine!
Love,
P.S. What do you sound like and look like when you are being firm and kind at the same time? Maybe you could ask your spouse or a friend to answer that question and give you gentle feedback. That knowledge is a great first step to Real Love and will bless you forever!
The mission of Lioness at the Door is to uplift, strengthen and encourage women of all ages to magnify health, hope and happiness at home. We do so boldly, with humility and gratitude for the opportunity.