Kind of a sobering thought huh?
To see over the span of a lifetime, the consequences of responding to your spouse in a protective or what’s-in-it-for-me way, is to see chaos instead of progress, pain instead of learning, and so many, many missed opportunities for genuine emotional intimacy!
Hello, I hope this post finds you well today.
I have thought a lot about the costs involved when we have been living out our parenting role on ‘the field of death,’ as Dr. Greg Baer calls it. In other words, when we’re watching out for ourselves and employing all the “he said, she said,” blaming and attacking and basically having only reactive interactions with each other.
What I haven’t thought as much about is the cost to a marriage when, over the course of years, our habit has been to run or attack or lie or act like victims or cling to each other so habitually, that we don’t know anything else.
So besides the pain and despair that can come from that pattern, it has hit me with force how many opportunities are missed! Opportunities to learn from each other, to communicate how we really think and feel, to learn self-responsibility, to face fears and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and eventually, trustworthy.
These missed experiences are especially tragic in marriage because the potential for personal growth is at an exponential rate!
When we play ‘on the field of life,’ that place where we’re telling the truth about ourselves and giving our spouse grace as they tell the truth too, we can grow by leaps and bounds in our ability to be loving and responsible people! (In other words, happy!)
And not only that, but together, becoming loving and responsible parents to our children!
So much is riding on this game and where and how we’re playing!
Which field are you playing on today? Can you see your way to the field of life by telling the truth about yourself, more clearly and more often? The field of life is where we get traction to create the kind of growth and intimacy that is possible in marriage! As one of my clients said recently to encourage herself in a challenging moment, “I’m on the field of life Baby!”
I applaud every effort you make to create a partnership that is forever connected and expanding eternally! You have the desire, and I’d love to help you learn and implement the tools if you’d like an assist!
God bless us all with the humility and courage to continue to work out our salvation with the merciful aid of our spouse, who can, if we will allow it, serve as a benevolent mirror by showing us ourselves as we really are!
Together, our potential is unending! Mostly, our potential to learn to love as Jesus loves; to be filled, with practice and over time, with charity, that pure Christ-like love that will bring us with confidence into the presence of God.
Praise God for the divine gift of His Son! And for the invaluable and exalting union of marriage He created for our benefit and progression!