Onto the third part of this conversation.  Thus far we have looked at Christian principles regarding emotions and a quick view of the work of Dr. Sarno who taught about the connection between emotions and chronic pain.  Of course there is much more to say on those two topics and I have been flooded with more I’d like to say!  But, for now, onto addiction recovery/ codependency recovery principles, and how they fit into this big picture.

As I have been reading in Dr. Sarno’s books about repressed anger, I have thought of the un-felt and unacknowledged emotions that can cause us to feel the need to self-medicate. Maybe you have experienced this in a small way or maybe in a big way?  I see the small ways as the “little vices” that we turn to to “tide us over.”  It’s using a chemical to wake us up or to knock us out.  To give us energy, just until ____ is done, or using something to take the edge off a feeling of anxiety.  And then time passes, and we have been able to squeeze by with the crutch we’ve given ourselves permission to use, and in the long run it has become a problem in and of itself.  Now we don’t just have grief or pain or hurt that has gone without the attention it needed, but now we have a chemical dependency to deal with on top of neglected emotions.

One important point that I think we learn through addiction recovery is that anger is a secondary emotion.  We become angry after we feel hurt or neglected or abandoned or abused. Only anger feels much more proactive and productive and protective than the vulnerable feeling of hurt and victimization that leaves us walking around emotionally bleeding on everyone.

Thank heaven for the 12 Steps that give real clarity on a process that works! As a reminder, they are:

1. We admitted we were powerless over _____, that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics (addicts), and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

It is interesting to note that the 12 steps for Codependents Anonymous are the same as those listed above with only number one changed from the specific addiction, and replaced with the words: “We admitted we were powerless over others– that our lives had become unmanageable.” Anyone relate to that? I firmly believe that everyone would benefit from working through this process!

Is any of this information helpful to you?  Can you see the patterns of overlay in the similar messages from separate sources of Christianity, psycho-phisiological medicine and addiction recovery?

Do you have something in your life that is demanding your attention, be it pain or addiction/codependency or a general need to be able to practice the principles of your faith? To steer clear of codependent behaviors and to be truly forgiving, charitable and wise while maintaining your own boundaries?

Tomorrow, I’d like to share some specific ideas on how to mesh these ideas into actionable steps!

Take good care of yourself today.

Love,

Jacque