When it comes to self-care, what is the biggest mental hurdle that gets in the way of your planning and accepting care?
I’m going to take a guess that it is the sense that amid your family responsibilities, you don’t feel that you have the time, or that you might be perceived as self-centered or, selfish if you make the time!
You’ve heard stories of mothers who have given everything in order to keep their children from starvation or some kind of peril. And on the other hand you’ve heard of mothers who abandon their children for another life.
Or, maybe you have felt abandoned yourself and decided that it’s the last thing you would ever want to do to your children.
So, there’s a balance to strike here.
First of all, you need to know what your goal is and that can be tricky. I don’t know how you would describe the outcome you want, but I think that for the most part, the ideal we are all trying to reach by making choices that will benefit our families, is that of intimacy, or said differently, a real connection to family members that is dynamic and real. It’s creating the kind of connection where real sharing, listening, learning and teaching occurs. It’s a place of safety and freedom for each person to feel understood and to find joy in one another.
What I’ve come to recognize in my experiences, is that there are multiple ways to sabotage relationships. They’re not only dependent on your physical availability, but also on the ability to be engaged and feeling, the ability to forgive and move on and the desire of both parties to share, to name a few. All of which are crucial matters for family wellness.
And here’s the point: It’s very difficult to be in an emotionally available place when you are tired or bored or feeling uninterested in life! {As I write that, I remember the fog caused from riding the hormone roller coaster of pregnancy and nursing and losing sleep to care for babies and then doing my best to function during the days! But, that stage passes, and life goes on in growing times and seasons as anyone who has given birth or is raising a child knows!}
But in general, self-care is the thing that helps you to be awake and alive and interesting and emotionally available to your people!
It is relationship preservation.
So, the next time you are tempted to discount your need for self-care, please consider the benefits your family will reap from your wellness, and jump in!
And give thanks!
All my best to you,
Jacque