In seminar, our first assignment is to begin to validate ourselves. How does that work?
Number one is seeking validation through prayer, from the only true source of all validation, which is from God.
When we feel in harmony with heaven, the opinions and requests and or demands of others are all put into proper perspective. We have a sense of who we truly are which lessens and then extinguishes our need to “please” others including sometimes being tempted to remove our appropriate boundaries for the sake of the opinions of others.
We’re also striving to make the conversation in our head’s a positive one! It’s listening to our own needs and using validating phrases and questions with ourselves. When problem solving, we might ask ourselves:
“So how do you feel about that?”
“What do you think should be done now?”
“Wow, that was tough.”
“Good job.”
“You made it!”
These questions and statements support us in keeping responsibility where it belongs, with us, and guides us through finding solutions to our own problems while also speaking to ourselves with encouragement and respect. Maintaining our personal boundaries is paramount in mastering the art of validation.
Remember that boundaries are:
“…statements of what you will or won’t do, what you like and don’t like, how far you will or won’t go, how close someone can get to you or how close you will get to another person….they are your value system in action.” I Don’t Have To Make Everything All Better, Gary and Joy Lundberg
Seek to know yourself and to become grounded in what you understand about your personal boundaries. Make lists if needed. Ask for confirmation and inspiration during your prayers; grow to feel confidence that you have correctly identified the lines you draw for your life.
As mentioned in previous posts, this is the work of a lifetime! Practice and practice and practice some more.
If you go backward or have a difficulty with a family member, bear in mind that our relationships are there to teach us and to help us to practice! We haven’t failed until we quit making an honest effort! And even then, we can make a new decision, apologize and or repent and start again!
This is what we are here to do! To learn and practice and grow with the aid of our personal mirrors; our families. They extend their mercy and love and forgiveness to us as we extend ours to them. Never, never, never give up. It is never too late to grow.
Be well my friend.
Love,