Hello! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the majority of parents in the world today were bravely in agent mode and feeling like “victims no more?”
And teaching their kids to be loving and responsible people?
It’s a great goal, but we have a way to go don’t we?
I would guess that you want your kids and or grandkids to learn to be loving and to take responsibility for themselves? Me too!
We see, everywhere we look, that a big part of taking responsibility for oneself, is to decline the ever-present societal offer, to think and act like victims.
Real Love is the answer to being victims no more.
I must say that studying Real Love each day is a powerful “victim-no-more” choice that parents can make! It is profound and instructive and immediately applicable.
Case in point; this is a small part of what Dr. Baer, in Real Love in Parenting, writes about victimhood:
“Virtually all of us–children and adults–feel victimized when we’re treated badly. But we are not victims. We just happen to be inconvenienced as other people search for Imitation Love and as they protect themselves…”
“We give our children a great gift–a key to happiness–when we teach them that they’re never victims. We have many opportunities to do that. Every time a child is disappointed or angry, he’s acting like a victim.”
(Me: Uh hem, what does that say about how parents feel about themselves when they are angry and disappointed and yelling and giving piercing looks? Victims to parenthood perhaps? Back to Dr. Baer…)
“Even more important than our teaching our children with words that they’re not victims is our giving them enough Real Love so they feel loved. Without emptiness and fear, they won’t feel victimized when people treat them badly, and in those interactions they can choose to be loving and happy instead of afraid demanding, selfish and angry. Such children enjoy profound peace all their lives regardless of the choices made by others.”
Do you feel this is true and life-changing and the absolute Gospel truth?
So, here are a few ideas about showing our children this victim-no-more principle:
~If we’re feeling put upon because of jobs or chores that need our attention today, we could teach by example and choose to do our work cheerfully instead of slugging around, complaining or being grumpy.
~When our kids show us that they need love and correction and teaching, (like when they’re whining and crying or fighting or angry or sad) we could respond quickly and with kindness, instead of acting inconvenienced, irritated or angry… because they need our love and correction and teaching.
~We can express our love continuously (both verbally and in our facial expressions and body language). Every day. A lot! When kids are being “good” and especially when they are not.
~We can stop feeling burdened (victims no more) and accept the fact that our children need us to love and teach them. They aren’t likely going to reach a point when they stop looking to us for unconditional love.
~We can love and teach and love and teach and love and teach all day long! (It’s a joyful job when that is happening!) “I love you and I’m not angry. How can I help? How do you feel when xyz happens? How did you feel when you____? Is that why you are feeling ___ now?”
Parenting is an act of courage because doing it well requires us to change.
Of course none of us are parenting perfectly, but that isn’t the point! All that is required for success is that we continue being motivated by our love, to continue to learn to love. The Real way.
Please, take excellent care of yourself today.
Love to you,