In the journey of relationships, a continual flow of validation is needed.  That is, we must learn to walk beside others as they feel their feelings and figure out their path. But that is a bit difficult to do if we are in the habit of stuffing or denying our own feelings. So, one of the first steps to master is getting really good at acknowledging our own feelings.

Do you ever realize that you are feeling badly, but you don’t know why? Do you ever stop and take time to think backward to what you have been thinking about and get back to the thought that started the bad feeling rolling?

 

Several years ago, I had the epiphany that I was allowing unsettled or sad or mad or disappointed feelings to linger, often times not even recognizing why I had that feeling in the first place! So, I started a habit of stopping, when the recognition came, and thinking back to where the feeling originated. Quite often, a negative feeling starts by attending to a negative thought.  And it is strengthened by the weight we give it as a truth to be considered. Posh.

 

When the ah ha hits and I hear that the negative thought was a deception, (sometimes with the help of my spouse or a friend), I can quickly find the truth (most often in the opposite direction), plug that in, or fire it back, and the sadness and despair leave me. This is a process that helps me to be aware of my emotional self and to deal with the emotions as they arise.

Of course, sometimes, the sadness is a loss or a change and the remedy is a good cry, or to talk to someone close.

The point though is that we are aware of and dealing with emotions as they surface so that we can be emotionally fit ourselves.  That sets us up to be a good friend to others who may need us to walk beside them as they figure out their emotions and problems.

This is a high form of self-care and makes a solid foundation on which to connect with others.

The process of learning these skills requires a whole lot of practice! Over a long period of time!

I am certain however, that the effort is worth it!

It will pay over and over in rich relationship rewards!

Love, love, love,

Jacque

My daugher-in-law made this great dust jacket for the Lundberg’s book.  I love it!