Have you ever been mystified by the instruction given in this scripture passage?

“And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.

But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another and to serve one another.” (Mosiah 4:14-15, Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ)

I used to scratch my head when I read this as a young mom, particularly the part about our kids not fighting or quarreling with one another.

How could I inspire them to love and serve each other, when it seemed that the more I involved myself in their treatment of and reactions to each other, the more the teasing and competition seemed to happen?

What I discovered over the last few years, is the guidance that precedes these verses earlier in chapter four. To me, it’s a massive epiphany. And it starts with several if/then statements.

The prophet King Benjamin begins by asking us if we have learned, or “come to a knowledge” of Jesus Christ and His great love for us as shown by His taking on our sins and the sins of the world. An important place to start, right?

Then King Benjamin counsels us, in direct language:

Believe in God. (This is a choice.)

Believe in His power and wisdom. (This requires study and faith.)

Repent of your sins, humble yourself before God and ask sincerely for forgiveness; (we might say, learn to recognize every time you are unloving, tell the truth, ask for forgiveness, and resolve to do better with God’s help.

Then….taste of His love.

Receive a remission (or cancellation of your debt) for your mistakes.

Do this every day. Standing steadfastly, not moving, in a state of faith.

Now comes the “if.”

If you do these things, King Benjamin says, then you will always:

Rejoice! Feel joy.

Be filled with the love of God. (This is what we know we need in order to be loving and responsible.)

Retain, or keep a remission or cancellation of your debt.

Grow in the knowledge of that which is just and true! (Gain confidence in the presence of God.)

You will not have any need or desire to be unloving! (Not angry and irritated, just teaching and loving.)

You will meet the physical needs of your children, shelter, food and clothing…and,

You will teach them to love (by your feeling loved and being loving.)

You will teach them to see the truth (again by your truth-telling example) and show them how to live in truth and in sobriety! (Sobriety is the fruit of having our deepest hunger, our hunger to feel loved and valued, fulfilled.)

After all, how can parents teach their children to walk in truth and soberness if they aren’t truthful about themselves, and sober?

Now the ultra-beautiful truth King Benjamin has taught me is that the love I have for my children, can fuel my resolve to learn, be humble on purpose, tell the truth about myself, be forgiven and empowered and choose faith over fear over and over, which is the real challenge of my life.

He is teaching me to stay in my power. To focus on changing my own heart. To decide where I stand. To exert my faith.

And in so doing, my beloved family will reap the reward of feeling the unconditional love which will come through me from God.

I know God lives and loves you and me.

I know His power is on the other side of our humility and truth telling.

I rejoice with you in His plan of redemption for the human family.

And I, with you, praise His Son with all my heart for the opportunity to learn from my mistakes, without being condemned by them.

Yours truly,