Hello my friend, I hope this post finds you well!
I recently had a conversation with an amazing client who used something like this title phrase, “creating the ideal home,” to describe a profound realization she had. Her ah-ha moment was so important, I’d like to share the gist with you. (Lovely client, you know who you are!)
There are so many facets of creating a home, and many of us “idealists” really want it to be ideal!
Design, decor, functional furnishings, cleanliness, order, light, space for learning and family gatherings, not to mention food and all that entails!
Large or small, new or old, can any of these things, desirable and some even needed though they are, ever be the heart and soul of what the word home represents? No, alone they cannot.
Truly, the ideal home is the home where people feel unconditionally loved.
Not just when they are on their best behavior! (That’s the unconditional part.)
And in order for that kind of love to be communicated from parents to children, parents need to feel loved first.
There it is, the magic sauce:
To create the ideal home, wherever you live, whatever salary you may earn, you need to feel loved yourself. Yes, all that self-care we’re often chatting about; all those declarations and mind management tools; the relationships you have with God, your spouse and dear friends, in whose presence you are free to be yourself, to feel seen and heard and accepted and consequently really loved.
Real Love is the foundation of the Ideal Home.
Yes, food matters and order matters and homework matters and practicing the piano and many other activities may be important and matter.
But nothing compares to the importance of loving parents giving unconditional love to their children.
(Find a treasure of wisdom on this topic by reading, studying and praying over Real Love in Parenting by Dr. Greg Baer.)
So, how do you know if what you’re giving is the Real thing?
Well, are you in a positive space, in general? (Usually, people who feel loved are pretty pleasant, aren’t they?)
And are your children happy? Are they mostly getting along with one another as they are becoming more responsible and loving? (Or are they constantly feeling the need to protect themselves by withdrawing, yelling, hitting, lying, and all those miserable behaviors that tell us they’re pretty miserable?)
Unfortunately, most kids know they get smiles and pats on the back when they’re quiet and not inconveniencing anyone, then frowns and looks shooting daggers and yelling and parental temper tantrums when they need something, like help, direction, correction and teaching or food or attention or even sleep!
We must have love to give so that we can see our children’s behavior as a sign of what they need! Seeing needs instead of “bad behavior,” helps us give what they need in that moment, without pressure, or disdain or anger or resentment, because they are relying on us to provide for those needs and help them grow!
Our children need us to purposefully be in a good space. They need us to manage our minds and hearts and to be courageous and kind.
Then loving and teaching can happen.
Bottom line is: when we don’t feel loved we can’t be loving.
So what can you do if you feel empty and afraid? (aka grouchy, sad & mad?)
#1 Unplug from the things that are draining your time and energy in an attempt to find imitation love! (Chasing praise, power, pleasure, safety. May I say social media?)
Take deep breaths!
Relax your body! (More tools for this challenge coming up at Lioness!)
Pray to feel loved!
Express your faith!
Give thanks for life and the opportunity to become your best self!
Enjoy the beauty of the world that is around you wherever you are!
Contact a true, positive friend and be yourself so that they can love you without your feeling that you are somehow earning it!
Turn your attention outward to others who need your caring!
Recognize the love and light around you, drink it in creating a spring of love to share with your children.
Sending you my love today and always,
P.S. Amazingly, of all the resources in the universe, love is the one thing that abounds in an endless supply! If we take some, it doesn’t mean that someone else will go without. Instead, it means the more we consume, the more we will create! So we can endlessly drink it in, then generously pour it out! Forever.
P.P.S. God bless us all with the strength and courage to change and move forward! I know He will if we have the desire, we are humble and willing to move our feet…