Mothering

Inspiration on parenting

Feminine and Fine

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I am hearing some business and thought leaders saying that femininity is needed in our world. Hurrah!

Yes, yes I completely agree! And I’m encouraged by the growing realization that when women shift into a driven, competitive, aggressive masculine energy, it brings more imbalance to our world instead of the feminine counter balance and blessed relief that is needed! {Does it go without saying that the world at large is heavy on hardcore and light on lullabies?}

As feminine women, we can accomplish many desperately important things.

We can create things. (In fact, isn’t that the biggest accomplishment our biology affords us?)

But many of our balancing contributions come simply as we accomplish what needs to be done in a feminine way.

Why? Because the world needs tenderness; we can be tender.

The world needs strength and wisdom; we can be strong and wise.

The world needs leadership; we can lead out with gentle optimism.

The world needs to feel loved and validated; we can love and validate!

The world needs voices of reason, organization, administration, discernment, courage and kindness. Let us be those voices; women’s voices.

I hope we can tap into and embrace our most feminine selves, and the men in our lives, our counterparts, and together find joy and peace and balance in the coming year!

Embracing the soft, gentle, compassionate, assertive, inviting traits that are ours to embody… and allowing our men to develop their protective, providing masculinity.

Best wishes to you sister!

Love,
Jacque

P. S. In large part, we will accomplish our feminine missions by embracing self-nourishing self-care. 

I hope you’ve recovered from the holidays and have started making plans for new and improved self-caring habits in the new year. {One of those for me is getting my ducks lined-up for Christmas sooner next time around!}

P. P. S. Remember, our feminine energy draws others to us, versus chasing them down. Food for thought isn’t it?

Another word for the ability to draw others to us is attractiveness. And generally speaking, the most attractive thing I can think of is a smiling face. Hopefully our children and spouses will see our smiling faces today and tomorrow and next week! And maybe, because of our joy, our daughters might feel to embrace their femininity in happy ways too!

Time to Grow

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I received sweet clarity after I prayed recently and told my Heavenly Father all I was feeling. {I love the true validation Heaven sends!} Feelings about my efforts to balance my life and appropriately support my children and grandchildren; about my own inadequacy and occasional embarrassment; about sorrow and perplexity, followed by a plea for greater understanding and peace. {Do you ever pray this prayer?}

I felt and learned again, that we are all very much alike. We all need and want validation, grace, understanding, compassion and forgiveness too. And importantly, that we all were given weakness so that we can be humble. Yes, weak on purpose!

So if by chance you are feeling challenged by life; if you wonder if you have what it takes to be a good wife and mother; if you have decisions to make and problems to unravel; know that you are in the good company of all of God’s children!

And we women must remember that when we allow our weaknesses to serve us by helping us to be humble before God, He will teach us and lead us along. And with that understanding, we can refrain from self-criticism and see the purpose and wisdom of our blessed humanness.

All is well.

We’re here and learning…Glory hallelujah!

Much love to you,
Jacque

P.S. Are you thinking about plans and goals for the New Year?! I can’t wait to get mine thought through and fleshed-out!

P.P.S. Would you consider adding personal coaching or Lioness seminar to the ways you can facilitate growth and change in a big way in 2019? Both are life-changing and affordable if you’re ready for the ride!

“Oh, I Can Feel It!”

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{That is a Kronk quote in case you haven’t seen the Emperor’s New Groove lately.}

Only I’m talking about feeling the power of validation!

Don’t be a “baaaaad llama”; to validate, have your ears open and mouth shut!
{I couldn’t resist this picture!}

When your child has a problem and they come to you in anger or frustration and blurt out who is being mean or what happened on the way home from school or what their teacher said, using validating phrases and questions can help them sort through their problem and arrive at their own resolution. 

They need to know you’re listening, so give them your full attention.

Then they will know that you care.

The powerful part is that, when you are in a groove of validating others, you feel the heady lightness of knowing you aren’t carrying everyone else’s problems! Not only do we not need to assume other people’s problems, but we mustn’t override when problem solving is within their reach because it serves as a catalyst to their own growth and maturation.

Lend a listening ear without feeling the need to fix the problems you may hear.

Validate your own growth and practice solving what problems that are yours to solve.

Practice, practice, practice. 

That’s what we’re all doing!

Love to you,
Jacque

P.S. For more inspiration on this topic on the Lioness blog, search posts with the word validation! Hope it helps!

Your Alpha

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Remember the song from Alice In Wonderland that says, “I give myself such very good advice, but I very seldom follow it”?

It makes me smile because I have sung it under my breath on a few occasions when I realized that I’d earned a consequence I didn’t want because I didn’t do what I knew was best for me!

So, from experience I offer a look at one way of thinking that may help that Alice in all of us. Maybe help a lot!

It’s the thought that, now that we’re adults, we need to become our own alpha! We may have the voices of parents or grandparents or siblings or friends sounding in our heads, giving us advice, but now, we need to steer our own ship and make our own decisions.

We need to get really good at hearing our own voice, particularly the voice of our best alpha self!

The alpha self isn’t a victim. She’s in charge of how she responds to what happens in her life.

The alpha self isn’t waiting to have someone else make the decisions, she is making those that are hers to make.

She is thinking for herself, she is coaching herself, and she is following her own best advice.

When you get tired, your alpha self may say, “Woman, it’s time to stop what you are doing and get ready for bed.” {In a kind, gentle, respectful and firm voice!}

Your alpha self hears whining almost before it starts and puts her foot down to drown it out instead with the voice of ownership and action.

Our alpha know so much. We need to cultivate her voice in our heads, give her the lead and then follow her very sound counsel.

Being true to our own alpha self, showing integrity with ourselves, may make it more likely that our children will listen to us too. 

The bottom line is this: Our children need us to keep growing-up!

They need mature parents and they deserve to be taught and led to a bright future. If other motivations have failed, hopefully the love and hopes we have for our children will give us the deep why we need to stand taller, take stock of where we are, see where we want to be, and give us the grit to get there!

Being our own alpha is being an adult. And it feels so much better than wallowing or grovelling or regretting or moaning or deferring.

Much love to you today!
Jacque

P.S. While reading this post, try not to think of someone in your family that might need to listen to their alpha more often! Just lead out. By self-directing and self-managing, we teach without words! And immediately the game changes and improves! When just one person rises up and takes responsibility for themselves, many others are inspired and happily follow suit!

A Case for Clarity

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I heard someone say that thinking in terms of do’s and don’t’s is negative.

Mmmm. I wholeheartedly disagree.

What a gift parameters are! What a gift the word “no” can be!

My child is playing outside, we live by a street where cars go by, would I be a good parent not to warn her about staying off of the road? I might talk her through the situation before I leave her there. I might walk off the space with her to show her where it is safe for her to play. I might string a rope to show her the boundary or I might put up a fence. I might watch for a few days to see if she is understanding the boundary. And as she shows she is capable of staying out of harms way, I would come to trust that she is good with the situation.

If, however, I ever saw her run after a ball or ride her bike into the street without looking for traffic, you can bet I’d be immediately and loudly warning her to come back into the yard. And then there may be a few days of playing in the house before we try the yard again.

Do’s and don’t’s are part of life. Whether you say them or not, they are built in.

Don’t let your hair get close to the candle flame. 
Don’t consume alcohol and then operate your car.
Don’t steal, lie or cheat, there will be consequences you won’t like.

What makes everyone happier, and I think what was truly meant by the comment I heard, is that more do’s than don’t’s is nice. Keep the don’t’s but use a plethora of implied or implicit do’s more!

Don’t hit your sister…do use your words to work things out!
Know I love you!
It’s time to go to bed, you need to get your rest.
Keep going, you’re doing great!
Eat your veggies first, then we’ll have pie!

And the best do of all, the one that goes unspoken but is loud and clear is:
“Watch me, I’ll show you how to ____________ .”
Then fill in the blank with those things you are practicing and desperately wanting your children to know. Things like, how to forgive. How to let go. How to pray. How to laugh. How to roll up your sleeves and work! How to be dependable. How to learn. How to take counsel. How to practice and not give up. There’s no getting around it, our children learn more powerfully from our example than by any other means! It’s teaching without words and it is profound.

Boundaries are a beautiful, necessary and crucial thing. They give stability, confidence and comfort to our families. 

As a family leader, we must be willing to learn them and teach them. {Remember the text, I Don’t Have To Make Everything All Better, by Gary and Joy Lundberg for strengthening your foundational understanding of boundaries. http://www.lundbergcompany.com}

Much love to you today!
Jacque